How to Care for Yourself as a Caregiver

Once a quarter, Bich Le, 52, travels from her home outside of Minneapolis to St. Augustine, Fla., where she moves into her father’s guest room for three weeks.

The health care executive is one of five siblings who take turns caring for their widowed 90-year-old father, who has lung cancer and requires constant assistance. While she’s in Florida this month, she will miss her daughter’s final high school prom; she missed it last year, too, due to her caregiving duties.

The drugs Ms. Le’s father takes to manage pain can “negatively impact how he treats people,” she said. When he becomes volatile, Ms. Le said, she mostly tries to ignore it and “not add to the stress of the situation.” She tells herself to “just care for him and just let it go.” But sometimes, when she’s exhausted, his temper grates.

“What runs through my brain is: ‘A simple thank you would really go a long way,’” she said. “‘You have me, or you have a nursing home.’”

Caregiving can be fraught for the estimated 53 million Americans who assist family members and friends. And factors like financial strain and isolation can add to psychological distress. In a 2017 survey of 1,081 caregivers conducted by AARP, 51 percent of respondents reported feeling worried or stressed. But there was a surprising upside: The majority — 91 percent — also reported feeling pleased that they were able to help.

How can caregivers hold on to that feeling amid the stress, fatigue and resentment that also come with the role? There are strategies for feeling “less burdened or stressed by the daily problems” they encounter, said William Haley, a professor of aging studies at the University of South Florida.