The fact that I would genuinely be an improvement on the last 14 years of Tory government says everything you need to know,” Count Binface tells the Independent.
The self-described intergalactic space warrior, who is running for London mayor again after finishing ninth in the 2021 contest, has refused to rule out standing against Rishi Sunak at the next general election.
But before then, the independent candidate hopes manifesto pledges include building at least one affordable home and placing a price-cap on croissants strike a chord with voters across the capital.
Other flagship policies include renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller-Bridge, price capping croissants at £1.10 – 10p more than a previous pledge for £1 pastries – and granting grade one listed status to Claudia Winkleman’s fringe.
Mr Binface, who claims to be 5,072 years old, described his pledges as “the best in the business” and that he was “the only candidate with a decent manifesto”.
“I love democracy, because it’s so rare in the cosmos, and this important year I want to help celebrate the fact that, in the UK, everybody has the right to stand for election, no matter how idiotic the get-up,” he said.
“I’m the only fresh thing on the menu! Nobody else comes close to the suite of policies I’m offering: price-capping croissants at £1.10 – blame Liz and Rishi for the extra 10p – bringing back Ceefax, replacing the Night Czar with a new Night Mayor, to have headquarters on Elm Street, and much more.”
When asked for his opinion on his Tory rival, Susan Hall, the caped politician said: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“If I have, it went straight out of one auditory organ and right out of the other one because nobody of that name has had any impact on me whatsoever.”
The Count went on to say that incumbent mayor Sadiq Khan had done a “decent job”.
He continued: “Unlike the two previous incumbents, Ken Livingstone and Boris ‘The Bombshell’ Johnson, Sadiq Khan is not yet a laughing stock figure – so fair play on that front.”
Mr Binface, a satirical political character created by comedian Jonathan David Harvey, said he doubts he will place better than ninth this election, but is “quietly confident”.
His manifesto pledges include:
- Thames Water bosses to be made to take a dip in the Thames, to see how they like it
- Claudia Winkleman’s fringe to be Grade 1 listed
- No shop to be allowed to sell a croissant for more than £1.10
- Build at least one affordable house
- London Bridge to be renamed after Phoebe Waller
- NHS waiting times to be improved by making GP surgeries’ hold music less appalling
- To solve delays caused by 20mph zones, all meetings to start ten minutes later
- Stop the bots
- Shops that play Christmas music before December to be closed down and turned into public libraries
- Loud snacks to be banned from theatres
- Voter ID legislation to be scrapped
- Ceefax to be reintroduced for all homes within the M25
Read Count Binface’s full manifesto here.
Voters can cast their ballot in person on 2 May, by post or by proxy. Find your nearest polling station here.
Everyone will need to show photo ID at polling stations before they vote.
The results will be announced at City Hall on Saturday 4 May.
Read the full list of candidates here.
