Aurelia Butler

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    How Can I Show My Boyfriend My Parents’ Filthy Home?

    A reader dreads the thought of her partner seeing her squalid childhood home, but being honest with her parents about her embarrassment is a nonstarter.I am in my late 30s and in a great relationship. We’ve decided to move in together when our separate apartment leases end. We are both very tidy. But I am a clean freak because I grew up in a chaotic, dirty home. It took me years of therapy and self-help to deal with this. My boyfriend is just the opposite: I’ve visited his parents in the beautiful home where he grew up. Now, I am panicked about taking him to visit my childhood home. My parents are dirty and messy. Think: grime and roaches and leaving open cans of cat food on the kitchen counter for days. Telling my parents that I don’t want to bring my boyfriend to visit because I’m embarrassed to bring anyone there would hurt their feelings — which I can’t do. And when I’ve gone home by myself to clean, it causes arguments with them. What should I do?DAUGHTERFirst, let me applaud you for doing the hard work that was required for you to live differently from the way you were raised. It sounds to me, though — and this is no criticism — that you have not worked through the shame you feel about your parents and your childhood. And I can tell you from experience that there is no magic pill for dealing with shame.Still, one of the great comforts of being in a loving relationship is sharing our darker feelings with a partner and lightening our loads. (And yes, we all have them!) You don’t mention how long you’ve been dating your boyfriend, but I am going to assume that you would not be moving in together, as adults, unless you were serious about each other.So, I suggest postponing your joint visit to your parents’ home until you can talk candidly with your boyfriend about the challenges you faced growing up — and the work you’ve done to overcome them. I know that may be a scary prospect! And you may need to go back to your therapist for help with that conversation. But I promise you that if this guy is the right guy, then sharing your vulnerabilities with him will only invite him to do the same — and deepen your relationship.Miguel PorlanWhen Siblings Say You’re Going Too FarMy sister and her fiancé have planned a destination wedding that is out of reach financially for some of our siblings. She is marrying into a wealthy family, so all of the groom’s siblings will be there. I can afford to go, but I want to refuse in solidarity with my siblings who can’t. I also feel as if I’m being coerced into a four-day vacation that isn’t my style. Still, this is my sister’s wedding, and the R.S.V.P.s are due soon. Help!We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    2023 DealBook Summit Concluded With an Elon Musk Discussion

    In a wide-ranging interview last year with Andrew Ross Sorkin of The New York Times, Elon Musk opened up about his demons, passions, what drives him and what bugs him.Amir Hamja/The New York TimesThe 2023 DealBook Summit concluded with an interview of Elon Musk that caught even Andrew Ross Sorkin off guard. In a 90-minute conversation, the divisive billionaire didn’t hold back.Mr. Musk accused advertisers that had pulled their money from X, following his endorsement of an antisemitic conspiracy theory, of trying to “blackmail” him. He used an expletive multiple times to emphasize his point. Mr. Musk also shared his concerns about the rapid-fire development of artificial intelligence and OpenAI, the chatbot maker he had co-founded and later left over philosophical differences. That feud has since grown into one of the tech world’s most closely watched lawsuits.Mr. Musk opened up about his demons, his passions, what drives him and what bugs him. He said he wouldn’t vote to re-elect President Biden, but he also expressed misgivings about Donald J. Trump.The world knows what happened next: He became Mr. Trump’s biggest supporter, helping and bankrolling him to victory last month in the race for the White House.Since 2012, the DealBook Summit has brought together the biggest newsmakers in business, policy and culture to speak candidly about the global economy and the forces shaping it. Prominent interviewees have included the Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, the former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and the entrepreneur and social media influencer Kim Kardashian.The one-day conference has also featured interviews with Sam Bankman-Fried, the fallen crypto executive convicted of masterminding one of the biggest business frauds of recent times, as well as Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen and BlackRock’s chief executive, Larry Fink. More

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    Zelensky Offers $24 One-Off Payment to Win Over War-Weary Ukrainians

    Citizens will be entitled to a $24 one-off payment this winter, President Volodymyr Zelensky announced, in a move apparently intended to soften the blow of a tax rise to help fund the war effort.After nearly three years of a grueling war with Russia, President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine faces a difficult balancing act: extracting more financial resources to sustain the fight without overwhelming a population already straining under the conflict’s economic toll.That tension was on full display in recent days as Mr. Zelensky signed into law the largest tax increase of the war while simultaneously introducing a state-sponsored program providing financial aid to Ukrainians during the winter.The government said that every Ukrainian would be eligible to receive a one-off payment of 1,000 Ukrainian hryvnias, about $24 — a modest sum compared to the average monthly salary in Ukraine of roughly $500. But the government has touted the move as a way of demonstrating support for its citizens.“For many families and at the level of the whole country, this is tangible,” Mr. Zelensky said in his nightly address on Monday, saying that more than 3.2 million Ukrainians had already applied to receive the grant.Analysts say the program is a calculated effort by Mr. Zelensky to shore up his popularity among a population that is growing tired of the war. That fatigue has been exacerbated by a mobilization drive this year that exposed divides in society and corruption scandals that tarnished the government’s image.A recent poll by the Kyiv International Institute of Sociology, a private think tank, found that while trust in Mr. Zelensky remained relatively strong at 59 percent, it had nonetheless fallen from 77 percent a year ago.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    NYT Crossword Answers for Dec. 4, 2024

    Daniel Raymon’s puzzle earns top marks.Jump to: Today’s Theme | Tricky CluesWEDNESDAY PUZZLE — Have you ever panicked in a corn maze? That’s the best analogy I can think of for the experience I had while solving Daniel Raymon’s crossword: I got a little lost, then very lost, and for a minute there I worried I’d never find my way out.Mr. Raymon’s puzzle features some truly impish cluing, and his theme is, to use a pet phrase of Prue Leith’s from “Great British Baking Show,” a little triumph. But there’s a whole lot to do before figuring out what that theme is. The challenge begins at 1-Across, with [Cry in a pool game] — a pool clue that has nothing to do with billiards, for once — and it doesn’t let up until the very end, at 65-Down.Today’s ThemeFour of today’s clues are simply bits of punctuation: [”] at 20A, [.] at 26A, [–] at 48A and [/] at 56A. These marks can hold several meanings: The symbol at 48A, for instance, could be a minus sign or a hyphen. In this case, it means “dash” — in other words, to MAKE A RUN FOR IT.The quotation mark is sometimes simply called a “quote,” which is a PRICE ESTIMATE. The “period” indicates STRETCH OF TIME, and the forward slash is just Slash, the ROCK GUITARIST of Guns N’ Roses.These plays on punctuation left me speechless, so I have no further comments — or rather, commas.Tricky Clues1A. This clue refers not to the game of pool but to a game played in a swimming pool, so the [Cry in a pool game] is MARCO.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Trump Donors Who Give at Least $1 Million or Raise $2 Million Get Inaugural Access

    President-elect Donald J. Trump is raising money for his inauguration in increments as high as $2 million, according to materials from fund-raisers for the inauguration.A flier titled “Trump Vance Inaugural Committee Benefits” lists the perks of donating $1 million or raising $2 million for the event. Donors who reach that elite level receive as many as a half-dozen tickets to eight inaugural events from Jan. 17 to Jan. 20.After a divisive election, donors and corporations typically put big money into presidents’ inaugural committees as a way to support the president and also to curry favor with an administration that will be in power for four years. There are no limits on the donations that can be made to the Trump committee, which is structured as a political nonprofit for tax purposes, but gifts over $200 are disclosed to the Federal Election Commission.Highlights of the schedule of events for the elite donors and fund-raisers include a reception with cabinet picks and a dinner with Vice President-elect JD Vance and his wife, Usha Vance, on Jan. 18, and an “elegant and intimate dinner with President Donald J. Trump and Mrs. Melania Trump” on Jan. 19, described as “the pinnacle event.” Before the dissemination of this flier, Mrs. Trump had not confirmed her plans to attend the inaugural festivities, which include a Sunday morning interfaith service that the materials say she plans to attend with Mr. Trump.On Monday, Jan. 20, the big donors will receive six tickets each to attend the inauguration itself.Mr. Trump’s first inaugural committee, which was investigated by federal prosecutors for illegal foreign donations and resulted in a 12-year prison sentence for one donor, raised $107 million in 2016 and 2017. The current inaugural committee is being led by Steven Witkoff, a billionaire real estate mogul who has given nearly $2 million to Mr. Trump’s political causes over the past decade and who has been named a special envoy to the Middle East, and Kelly Loeffler, a former Republican senator from Georgia.Mr. Trump is continuing to raise money for his political efforts, too. On Dec. 19, he is expected to headline an event at his private Florida club, Mar-a-Lago, for a pro-Trump super PAC, MAGA Inc., where tickets cost $1 million a person, according to a copy of the invitation seen by The New York Times. More

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    South Korea Stock Markets Wobble After Martial Law Turmoil

    South Korean stocks and the country’s currency fell on Wednesday morning after a tense night during which President Yoon Suk Yeol declared and then lifted a martial-law declaration.The benchmark Kospi index fell about 2 percent in early trading in Seoul. Shares of some of South Korea’s biggest companies were down, with Samsung Electronics losing more than 1 percent and LG Energy Solution and Hyundai Motor shedding more than 2 percent.After a steep drop overnight, the South Korean won found its footing somewhat. On Wednesday morning it was trading down by about 1 percent against the dollar since the initial declaration of martial law late Tuesday night.Just before midnight on Tuesday and early in the morning on Wednesday, South Korea’s finance minister, Choi Sang-mok, convened meetings in Seoul with officials from the central bank and key financial regulators. They pledged to meet daily to “establish a constant risk management system” and provide “unlimited liquidity support” until the stock, bond and currency markets stabilized.Mr. Choi said on Wednesday that the government would focus on shielding the economy, and that officials would “closely communicate” with the authorities of other countries with major economies. “In any given situation, the government will do its best to address economic concerns and to minimize disruptions in entrepreneurial and daily activities,” he said.The Bank of Korea’s monetary policy board said it would hold an emergency meeting on Wednesday. The central bank unexpectedly cut interest rates last week, citing “heightened uncertainties surrounding growth and inflation, driven by the new U.S. administration’s policies.”As opposition lawmakers demanded that President Yoon step down, analysts and investors were trying to gauge how long South Korea’s outbreak of political turmoil would persist.Market, consumer and business sentiment will likely “take a significant hit” for some time, as it did in the period around South Korea’s last presidential impeachment in 2017, said Min Joo Kang, a senior economist at ING.South Korea’s credit rating could also be affected, though that is uncertain at this stage, Ms. Kang said in a note.“South Korea’s democratic institutions and culture have withstood the stress test,” Krishna Guha, vice chairman of Evercore ISI, wrote in a note. He expected “minimal” disruption to business and supply chains, “but it is extraordinary and troubling that it happened at all,” he added.Elsewhere in the Asia Pacific region, markets fell slightly but remained relatively calm. Benchmark indexes in Japan, Australia and Hong Kong all fell by less than 1 percent on Wednesday morning.Minho Kim More

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    South Korean History Is Scarred by Martial Law

    For many younger South Koreans, President Yoon Suk Yeol’s short-lived declaration of martial law late Tuesday night was their first exposure to a kind of turbulence that older generations remember all too well.Since South Korea was founded in 1948, a number of presidents have declared states of military emergency. The most recent — and the most notorious, perhaps — came after the 1979 assassination of President Park Chung-hee, a former general who had occasionally used martial law himself to crack down on political protests and opposition since seizing power in 1961.Soon after Mr. Park was killed, a general, Chun Doo-hwan, staged his own coup. In May 1980, he declared martial law, banning all political activities, closing schools and arresting dissidents.Protests erupted in the southwestern city of Gwangju, and Mr. Chun sent in armored vehicles and paratroopers, who crushed the uprising. Officials said at least 191 people were killed, including 26 soldiers and police officers, but families of slain demonstrators said the death toll was much higher.Mr. Chun, who remained in power until 1988, characterized the Gwangju protests as a revolt driven by North Korean operatives. But the uprising became a pivotal moment in South Korea’s transition to democracy, and many South Koreans support revising the Constitution to honor its importance to the country.In 1996, Mr. Chun and another former general, Roh Tae-woo — a childhood friend of Mr. Chun who backed his rule and was directly elected president in 1988 — were prosecuted for the 1979 coup and the deadly crackdown that followed.Roh Tae-woo, left, and Chun Doo-hwan on trial in 1996.Yonhap/EPA, via ShutterstockPresident Kim Young-sam, who served from 1993 to 1998, said at the time of the prosecutions that they marked a new era of constitutionalism for Korea. But Mr. Kim pardoned both men the next year, a move aimed at uniting the country. Shin Woo-jae, a spokesman for President Kim, said the pardons were granted “to promote national reconciliation and rally the nation’s energies to overcome the economic difficulties at this juncture when the nation conducted the cleanest and fairest presidential election in its history.” More

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    President Yoon Suk Yeol of South Korea Declares Martial Law, Then Backs Down

    Soon after President Yoon Suk Yeol’s declaration on Tuesday, lawmakers voted to defy him, prompting the president to say he was lifting his order.President Yoon Suk Yeol of South Korea declared emergency martial law on Tuesday night, then reversed himself hours later as thousands of protesters flooded the streets, capping an extraordinary night of tumult in the deeply divided country.The threat of military rule had brought political chaos to one of America’s closest allies in Asia and carried echoes of South Korea’s postwar years of military rule and political violence.But Mr. Yoon’s gambit appeared to quickly backfire, leaving his political future uncertain and the opposition baying for his impeachment.His announcement imposing martial law, at 10:30 p.m. local time on Tuesday, had immediately raised questions over whether the president could commandeer such a highly developed industrialized democracy.Before dawn on Wednesday, those questions appeared to be answered.The National Assembly quickly passed a resolution demanding an end to martial law, and Mr. Yoon backed down, saying he would lift his emergency declaration just five and a half hours after he had issued it.Martial law was formally lifted at a Cabinet meeting early Wednesday.President Yoon Suk Yeol of South Korea declared emergency martial law on Tuesday evening.Ahn Young-Joon/Associated PressWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More