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Outside a pub in Somerset, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s mum once tried to explain to me how it was that she had come to raise a son who appeared to observers to be several orders of magnitude posher than either of his parents and any of his siblings.
“We’re not posh,” she said. “He’s always just been like this. He’s always wanted to be a Tory MP.”
She then said how, when he was a very little boy, he would stand in his pyjamas in front of the fireplace, put on a blue rosette and perform his maiden speech.
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It’s an endearing tale, in its way. Of how the little boy who just so happened to be born a middle-aged Tory MP, came to be just that.
Those of an unkind disposition might look upon the heavily stylised voice, the double breasted suits, the opera coats, and think “complete fraud”. Those more generously inclined might prefer “committed method actor”.
Stories of Daniel Day-Lewis ordering flat whites in Starbucks and insisting his name is Abraham Lincoln tend to be exaggerated. Jacob Rees-Mogg on the other hand has never let the mask slip on the Jacob Rees-Mogg character in getting on for half a century.
Inside the middle-aged Tory MP who was never a boy, is a boy who has never grown up. Only a seven-year-old pretending to be an adult would come up with the kind of plans Jacob Rees-Mogg has for how the House of Commons will function when it needlessly returns in full form tomorrow.
The current plan is for MPs to vote by forming a fully one kilometre-long queue that will spread not even all the way across the parliamentary estate, but also up and down staircases, spreading itself over three floors. It will turn the BBC Parliament channel into a very weird, very niche, Big remake, in which a very small boy pretending to be a grownup has somehow had his dream come true and been put in charge of the houses of parliament.
The plans are laughable for so many reasons. First of all, MPs will have to return from all corners of the country to vote on whether they think it’s a good idea for MPs to return from all corners of the country. They will then have to vote on the new, mad plans for voting by using the new, mad plans for voting.
It is hard to say whether it shed new light on the utterly dysfunctional state of our country. It is so bathed in such light these days it is a full on whiteout, the glare so intense as to render the glaringly obvious invisible.
It is not merely in Brussels where they vote by pressing a button; they do it in Holyrood too. But a country which is still drawing upon the mid-19th century as the source of its greatness has little choice but to pretend it still is such a time. We must remain in character too, like the lone school teacher in fancy dress on Comic Relief day, not quite realising the laughter is very much of the “at” not “with” variety.
Jacob Rees-Mogg still genuinely believes parliament must return to “set an example” to the rest of the country, even as it continues to instruct the rest of the public that they must work from home if they can, while refusing to do so themselves.
Trains and planes will have to be caught, so that people can stand in mad lines for hours on end, to do in person what last week they did on their laptops.
In some ways it’s consistent. It’s quite possible Rees-Mogg has calculated that, in these surreal times, the public will find it almost reassuring to see their political paymasters telling them to do one thing, then doing the opposite themselves. That’s the British way, after all.
The alternative would be the government telling people not to travel to work unless they have to, and then actually following that advice themselves.
left Created with Sketch. right Created with Sketch.
1/50 1 June 2020Customers socially distance themselves as they queue to enter Ikea in Warrington. The store opening saw large queues of people and traffic on adjacent roads as it reopened after the lockdown. The furniture and housewares chain reopened its stores across England and Northern Ireland subject to several restrictions, keeping its restaurants closed and asking customers to shop alone
Getty
2/50 31 May 2020A man wearing a protective face mask kneels in front of police officers during a protest against the death in Minneapolis police custody of African-American man George Floyd near the U.S. Embassy, London, Britai
Reuters
3/50 30 May 2020Visitors at Grassholme Reservoir in Lunedale, Co Durham are able to cross an ancient packhorse bridge as work on the dam wall means water levels have dropped signifcantly to reveal this monument of the pas
UK
4/50 29 May 2020British Tennis player Maia Lumsden in action at Bridge of Allan Tennis Club. People can meet family and friends outdoors and play sports such as golf and tennis again as the country is moving into phase one of the Scottish Government’s plan for gradually lifting lockdown
PA
5/50 28 May 2020A police frogman, searches for a weapon in Abington Lake in in Northampton
Getty
6/50 27 May 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson appears before the Liaison Committee via Zoom from the cabinet room at 10 Downing Street, amid the coronavirus
10 Downing Street/Reuters
7/50 26 May 2020Members of the public relax on the beach at Botany Bay in Margate
Getty
8/50 25 May 2020Dominic Cummings, senior aide to Prime Minister Boris Johnson, makes a statement inside 10 Downing Street, London, over allegations he breached coronavirus lockdown restrictions
AP
9/50 24 May 2020A demonstrator holds a sign reading ‘Why are you above the law?’ outside the house of Dominic Cummings in London, following allegations Cummings broke coronavirus lockdown rules by travelling across the country
Reuters
10/50 23 May 2020People take a walk near Durdle Door as cows graze in Lulworth
Reuters
11/50 22 May 2020Waves break onto a wall at Brighton beach
Reuters
12/50 21 May 2020Cafe owner Francini Osorio serves customers in a trial phase during the coronavirus lockdown. Osorio has installed an air purifier and 35 clear shower curtains, which will divide customers and tables, in the Francini Cafe De Colombia, Worcester, ready for the re-opening of his business as lockdown restrictions are eased
PA
13/50 20 May 2020People at Bournemouth beach in Dorset, as people flock to parks and beaches with lockdown measures eased. The Met Office has predicted the hottest day of the year
PA
14/50 19 May 2020A dog jumps into the water as families relax at a Lido in London
AP
15/50 18 May 2020A fan celebrates outside Celtic Park after Celtic were crowned champions of the Scottish Premiership. Hearts were also relegated after a decision was made to conclude the season with immediate effect
PA
16/50 17 May 2020People on Brighton beach after the introduction of measures to bring the country out of lockdown
PA
17/50 16 May 2020Police lead away Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, as protesters gather in breach of lockdown rules in Hyde Park in London after the introduction of measures to bring the country out of lockdown.
PA
18/50 15 May 2020Estonian freelance ballet dancer and choreographer, Eve Mutso performs her daily fitness routine near her home in Glasgow, Scotland
Getty
19/50 14 May 2020Senior charge nurse Jan Ferguson views artwork “Theatre of Dott’s” by Kate Ive, inspired by Professor Norman Dott and his neurosurgery theatres at the Western General from 1960-2019. It is one of a number of artworks which sit on the walls of NHS Lothians’ Department of Clinical Neurosciences (DCN) which has been transferred into a purpose-built new home on the Little France campus in Edinburgh
PA
20/50 13 May 2020Team GB’s karate athlete Jordan Thomas trains outside his apartment in Manchester
Reuters
21/50 12 May 2020Nurses from central London hospitals protest on international nurses day about the chronic underfunding of the NHS and other issues surrounding the health service outside the gates of Downing Street, London
PA
22/50 11 May 2020Waves crash at Tynemouth pier on the North East coast
PA
23/50 10 May 2020A woman passes street art and a poster in East London
Reuters
24/50 9 May 2020Police patrol the beach in Brighton
Getty
25/50 8 May 2020The British Royal Air Force Red Arrows conduct a fly past over the statue of former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in London to commemorate the 75th Anniversary of Victory in Europe (VE Day) in Britain
MOD/Reuters
26/50 7 May 2020Team GB sailor Eilidh McIntyre during a training session at her home in Portsmouth
Reuters
27/50 6 May 2020Labour Party leader Keir Starmer listens to Prime Minister Boris Johnson speaking during PMQs
UK Parliament/AFP/Getty
28/50 5 May 2020The sun appears to explode over the horizon in this montage of images captured by photographer Nick Lucas near his home in Ringwood, Hampshire. Nick took a number of pictures just a few seconds apart on a tripod mounted camera which were then combined to give the eye catching dawn image
Nick Lucas/SWNS
29/50 4 May 2020Leeds Green Watch firefighters observe a minute’s silence outside the fire station in Kirkstall Rd, in memory their colleagues that lost their lives in the line of duty
PA
30/50 3 May 2020Staff at The Berkeley hotel give food to ambulance workers
Reuters
31/50 2 May 2020One of a small group of anti-lockdown protesters speaks to a police officer as they gather outside New Scotland Yard in Victoria, London
AFP via Getty
32/50 1 May 2020Bonnie the Llama grazes in a field in the Scottish Borders alongside a sign supporting the NHS as the UK continues in lockdown
PA
33/50 30 April 2020Colonel Tom Moore and his daughter Hannah celebrate his 100th birthday, with an RAF flypast provided by a Spitfire and a Hurricane over his home in Marston Moretaine. Colonel Moore, formerly a Captain, received a promotion in honour of his birthday and in recognition of the funds, in excess of £30m, he raised for the NHS by walking laps of his garden
Capture the Light Photography/Getty
34/50 29 April 2020Britain’s Labour leader Keir Starmer speaks during Prime Minister’s Questions, as members of Parliament observe social distancing due to the coronavirus, in the House of Commons, London, Wednesday, April 29, 2020
UK Parliament/AP
35/50 28 April 2020NHS staff at the Mater hospital in Belfast, during a minute’s silence to pay tribute to the NHS staff and key workers who have died during the coronavirus outbreak
PA
36/50 27 April 2020The sun rises behind redundant oil platforms moored in the Firth of Forth near Kirkcaldy, Fife. Global oil prices have crashed after the coronavirus pandemic reduced demand, with analysts warning that the oil majors may be looking at one of their biggest quarter-on-quarter profitability hits in history.
PA
37/50 26 April 2020Frankie Lynch celebrates on the Mall where the finish of the London Marathon was due to take place today after running 2.6 miles instead of 26 miles to raise money for The Running Charity
Reuters
38/50 25 April 2020A muslim woman walks past balloons outside the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London
Reuters
39/50 24 April 2020An empty Brighton Pier, closed during the Coronavirus pandemic as temperatures reach 20 degrees in the South East
Rex
40/50 23 April 2020Farmers work with vehicles to prepare a field next to a field of flowering rapeseed near Pontefract, West Yorkshire
AFP/Getty
41/50 22 April 2020The Northern Lights, the Milky Way and a Lyrid meteor at the Bathing House near Howick, Northumberland, as the Lyrid meteor shower reached its peak
PA
42/50 21 April 2020Badger the Border Collie surrounded by bluebells at Shrawley Wood in Worcestershire
PA
43/50 20 April 2020A dog walker on Blyth beach in Northumberland
PA
44/50 19 April 2020A piece of coronavirus themed street art grafitti in East London
AFP via Getty
45/50 18 April 2020Members of the City Specialist Cleaning team spray disinfectant around posts in the town centre of Eastleigh, Hampshire
PA
46/50 17 April 2020A taped-up bench in the hamlet of Diglea, Greater Manchester
AFP/Getty
47/50 16 April 2020A woman wearing a protective face mask and gloves walks past graffiti in Bow, London
Reuters
48/50 15 April 2020A burned down mobile phone mast in London. According to reports, at least 20 mobile phone masts across Britain are believed to have been vandalised and government and telecom sources are increasingly concerned about the impact of conspiracy theories linking coronavirus to 5G networks
EPA
49/50 14 April 2020The new Nightingale Hospital in Washington, Tyne and Wear, being fitted out
PA
50/50 13 April 2020Walkers enjoy the bluebells in Wanstead Park in London
PA
1/50 1 June 2020Customers socially distance themselves as they queue to enter Ikea in Warrington. The store opening saw large queues of people and traffic on adjacent roads as it reopened after the lockdown. The furniture and housewares chain reopened its stores across England and Northern Ireland subject to several restrictions, keeping its restaurants closed and asking customers to shop alone
Getty
2/50 31 May 2020A man wearing a protective face mask kneels in front of police officers during a protest against the death in Minneapolis police custody of African-American man George Floyd near the U.S. Embassy, London, Britai
Reuters
3/50 30 May 2020Visitors at Grassholme Reservoir in Lunedale, Co Durham are able to cross an ancient packhorse bridge as work on the dam wall means water levels have dropped signifcantly to reveal this monument of the pas
UK
4/50 29 May 2020British Tennis player Maia Lumsden in action at Bridge of Allan Tennis Club. People can meet family and friends outdoors and play sports such as golf and tennis again as the country is moving into phase one of the Scottish Government’s plan for gradually lifting lockdown
PA
5/50 28 May 2020A police frogman, searches for a weapon in Abington Lake in in Northampton
Getty
6/50 27 May 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson appears before the Liaison Committee via Zoom from the cabinet room at 10 Downing Street, amid the coronavirus
10 Downing Street/Reuters
7/50 26 May 2020Members of the public relax on the beach at Botany Bay in Margate
Getty
8/50 25 May 2020Dominic Cummings, senior aide to Prime Minister Boris Johnson, makes a statement inside 10 Downing Street, London, over allegations he breached coronavirus lockdown restrictions
AP
9/50 24 May 2020A demonstrator holds a sign reading ‘Why are you above the law?’ outside the house of Dominic Cummings in London, following allegations Cummings broke coronavirus lockdown rules by travelling across the country
Reuters
10/50 23 May 2020People take a walk near Durdle Door as cows graze in Lulworth
Reuters
11/50 22 May 2020Waves break onto a wall at Brighton beach
Reuters
12/50 21 May 2020Cafe owner Francini Osorio serves customers in a trial phase during the coronavirus lockdown. Osorio has installed an air purifier and 35 clear shower curtains, which will divide customers and tables, in the Francini Cafe De Colombia, Worcester, ready for the re-opening of his business as lockdown restrictions are eased
PA
13/50 20 May 2020People at Bournemouth beach in Dorset, as people flock to parks and beaches with lockdown measures eased. The Met Office has predicted the hottest day of the year
PA
14/50 19 May 2020A dog jumps into the water as families relax at a Lido in London
AP
15/50 18 May 2020A fan celebrates outside Celtic Park after Celtic were crowned champions of the Scottish Premiership. Hearts were also relegated after a decision was made to conclude the season with immediate effect
PA
16/50 17 May 2020People on Brighton beach after the introduction of measures to bring the country out of lockdown
PA
17/50 16 May 2020Police lead away Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, as protesters gather in breach of lockdown rules in Hyde Park in London after the introduction of measures to bring the country out of lockdown.
PA
18/50 15 May 2020Estonian freelance ballet dancer and choreographer, Eve Mutso performs her daily fitness routine near her home in Glasgow, Scotland
Getty
19/50 14 May 2020Senior charge nurse Jan Ferguson views artwork “Theatre of Dott’s” by Kate Ive, inspired by Professor Norman Dott and his neurosurgery theatres at the Western General from 1960-2019. It is one of a number of artworks which sit on the walls of NHS Lothians’ Department of Clinical Neurosciences (DCN) which has been transferred into a purpose-built new home on the Little France campus in Edinburgh
PA
20/50 13 May 2020Team GB’s karate athlete Jordan Thomas trains outside his apartment in Manchester
Reuters
21/50 12 May 2020Nurses from central London hospitals protest on international nurses day about the chronic underfunding of the NHS and other issues surrounding the health service outside the gates of Downing Street, London
PA
22/50 11 May 2020Waves crash at Tynemouth pier on the North East coast
PA
23/50 10 May 2020A woman passes street art and a poster in East London
Reuters
24/50 9 May 2020Police patrol the beach in Brighton
Getty
25/50 8 May 2020The British Royal Air Force Red Arrows conduct a fly past over the statue of former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in London to commemorate the 75th Anniversary of Victory in Europe (VE Day) in Britain
MOD/Reuters
26/50 7 May 2020Team GB sailor Eilidh McIntyre during a training session at her home in Portsmouth
Reuters
27/50 6 May 2020Labour Party leader Keir Starmer listens to Prime Minister Boris Johnson speaking during PMQs
UK Parliament/AFP/Getty
28/50 5 May 2020The sun appears to explode over the horizon in this montage of images captured by photographer Nick Lucas near his home in Ringwood, Hampshire. Nick took a number of pictures just a few seconds apart on a tripod mounted camera which were then combined to give the eye catching dawn image
Nick Lucas/SWNS
29/50 4 May 2020Leeds Green Watch firefighters observe a minute’s silence outside the fire station in Kirkstall Rd, in memory their colleagues that lost their lives in the line of duty
PA
30/50 3 May 2020Staff at The Berkeley hotel give food to ambulance workers
Reuters
31/50 2 May 2020One of a small group of anti-lockdown protesters speaks to a police officer as they gather outside New Scotland Yard in Victoria, London
AFP via Getty
32/50 1 May 2020Bonnie the Llama grazes in a field in the Scottish Borders alongside a sign supporting the NHS as the UK continues in lockdown
PA
33/50 30 April 2020Colonel Tom Moore and his daughter Hannah celebrate his 100th birthday, with an RAF flypast provided by a Spitfire and a Hurricane over his home in Marston Moretaine. Colonel Moore, formerly a Captain, received a promotion in honour of his birthday and in recognition of the funds, in excess of £30m, he raised for the NHS by walking laps of his garden
Capture the Light Photography/Getty
34/50 29 April 2020Britain’s Labour leader Keir Starmer speaks during Prime Minister’s Questions, as members of Parliament observe social distancing due to the coronavirus, in the House of Commons, London, Wednesday, April 29, 2020
UK Parliament/AP
35/50 28 April 2020NHS staff at the Mater hospital in Belfast, during a minute’s silence to pay tribute to the NHS staff and key workers who have died during the coronavirus outbreak
PA
36/50 27 April 2020The sun rises behind redundant oil platforms moored in the Firth of Forth near Kirkcaldy, Fife. Global oil prices have crashed after the coronavirus pandemic reduced demand, with analysts warning that the oil majors may be looking at one of their biggest quarter-on-quarter profitability hits in history.
PA
37/50 26 April 2020Frankie Lynch celebrates on the Mall where the finish of the London Marathon was due to take place today after running 2.6 miles instead of 26 miles to raise money for The Running Charity
Reuters
38/50 25 April 2020A muslim woman walks past balloons outside the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London
Reuters
39/50 24 April 2020An empty Brighton Pier, closed during the Coronavirus pandemic as temperatures reach 20 degrees in the South East
Rex
40/50 23 April 2020Farmers work with vehicles to prepare a field next to a field of flowering rapeseed near Pontefract, West Yorkshire
AFP/Getty
41/50 22 April 2020The Northern Lights, the Milky Way and a Lyrid meteor at the Bathing House near Howick, Northumberland, as the Lyrid meteor shower reached its peak
PA
42/50 21 April 2020Badger the Border Collie surrounded by bluebells at Shrawley Wood in Worcestershire
PA
43/50 20 April 2020A dog walker on Blyth beach in Northumberland
PA
44/50 19 April 2020A piece of coronavirus themed street art grafitti in East London
AFP via Getty
45/50 18 April 2020Members of the City Specialist Cleaning team spray disinfectant around posts in the town centre of Eastleigh, Hampshire
PA
46/50 17 April 2020A taped-up bench in the hamlet of Diglea, Greater Manchester
AFP/Getty
47/50 16 April 2020A woman wearing a protective face mask and gloves walks past graffiti in Bow, London
Reuters
48/50 15 April 2020A burned down mobile phone mast in London. According to reports, at least 20 mobile phone masts across Britain are believed to have been vandalised and government and telecom sources are increasingly concerned about the impact of conspiracy theories linking coronavirus to 5G networks
EPA
49/50 14 April 2020The new Nightingale Hospital in Washington, Tyne and Wear, being fitted out
PA
50/50 13 April 2020Walkers enjoy the bluebells in Wanstead Park in London
PA
This is just not the time for that kind of radicalism. If the politicians suddenly choose now as the time to start doing themselves what they expect of others, it will send us over the edge. Entirely sane members of the public would leap from rooftops in the certain knowledge they’ll wake before they hit the ground.
It is now several months since the House of Commons was too arrogant to close when it should have done. Is it any more shocking now, any more surprising to look back on 11 March and recall the budget being delivered in a packed House of Commons, about 20 yards from the Westminster office of the health minister Nadine Dorries, which had police tape across it, and makeshift signs with “Covid-19: Do Not Enter” stuck on the door?
Probably not. And it is no less shocking, nor surprising, to learn that months later, parliament hasn’t learnt a thing. All subject for the inquiry, no doubt. All evidence for what happens when you let a country be run by a clique of absolute chancers, dressing up as bigger boys, acting out their little fantasies like it’s a murder mystery weekend.
Except that it’s not a weekend. It’s been months. And there’s a hell of a lot of victims.
Source: UK Politics - www.independent.co.uk