How Could My Friend Give My Child Melatonin Without My Permission?

My 10-year-old daughter attended a sleepover recently. It was hosted by a family we have known and trusted for eight years. I consider the mother a personal friend — not just the mom of my daughter’s friend. So, I was alarmed and, frankly, furious when my daughter told me that the mother had distributed melatonin gummies to every girl at the sleepover. I think it’s dangerous to give medication or supplements to other people’s children. I have already talked to my daughter about what she should do if she’s offered medicine when I’m not around. But how should I handle my friend’s major breach of trust? Should I confront her or just move on knowing that I can no longer trust her?

SHOCKED MOM

There is no question that your friend made an error in judgment when she gave your child melatonin without your permission. But the only way this story makes sense to me is if your trusted friend believed that the gummies — a version of the hormone our bodies produce naturally when it’s time to sleep — were harmless. They are sold over the counter, after all, and short-term use by children your daughter’s age is generally considered safe.

Now, that doesn’t erase your friend’s error, but it suggests a more benign explanation: misunderstanding, not betrayal. And it makes your sustained reaction — shock, alarm, fury — seem a little over-the-top. You don’t mention anyone suffering ill effects from the gummies. Yet calmly discussing the episode with your good friend and sharing your expectations for the future doesn’t appear on your menu of possible responses. (And no, a confrontation is not a discussion.) Talk to her nicely!

We all make mistakes, mothers included. It would also be wise to verify the account of a 10-year-old child. You are absolutely entitled to your honest feelings, even your strong ones. But now I urge you to put this episode in perspective before you damage a long friendship or decide to abandon it.

You Can Hold the ‘Milady’ and Still Hold the Door

I have a great boss, the best of my career. She reports to a woman I also respect and admire. The issue: As a man, how do I mind my manners with these women (opening doors for them, for instance, or helping with their luggage) without treating them like damsels in distress? It seems as if I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.