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    Tips on Discussing Politics With Family

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    When families disagree on candidates, kids can get caught in the middle.This article is part of A Kid’s Guide to the Election, a collection of stories about the 2024 presidential election for readers ages 8 to 14, written and produced by The New York Times for Kids. This section is published in The Times’s print edition on the last Sunday of every month.There’s one topic that Charlotte K.’s brother and dad simply cannot get along about these days: politics. Her family will sit down to dinner, someone will bring up a touchy political subject and suddenly they’re arguing. “It’s just like, ‘Oh, there they go,’” says Charlotte, 12, who’s from Hamburg, N.Y. “It makes me want to leave dinner kind of early so I can read or whatever.”Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s pretty common. In a 2022 poll, nearly one in five American voters said disagreements about politics hurt their relationships with friends or family. And things can get even more tense during a presidential election year, when it seems like that’s all anyone’s talking about. “We take very seriously how our political decisions affect our lives,” says Elan C. Hope, a researcher who studies young people, health and politics. When people support different candidates, it can sometimes feel as if they disagree with bigger parts of one another’s lives.To keep the peace, some families avoid political subjects entirely. Alayna W., 17, from Boise, Idaho, says her family doesn’t go near politics after years of division between her grandma (who supports Donald Trump) and her parents (who don’t). The pandemic felt like the last straw, when her family couldn’t agree on how to stay healthy. “It was weird and uncomfortable and awkward,” she says. “It was definitely a turning point in our family.”These types of disagreements can actually make families feel less close, according to Colleen Warner, a professor of communication. You may feel powerless and disconnected from the people you love the most. But if that’s the case, there are a few things you can do to help bring everyone together again. For starters, try bringing up a political opinion you do all agree on. It sounds corny, but if you’re caught in the middle of a divided family, it can help.Sometimes, Warner says, the best way to prevent political conversations from getting heated is to try listening and asking questions — before anyone jumps in with a counterpoint. Hannah F., 10, from Mint Hill, N.C., knew her grandparents supported Trump, unlike her parents. So Hannah asked them: Why? “I wanted to know a few reasons,” she says, and also to explain some of her own ideas. Family members won’t change their minds overnight. But asking questions helps everyone feel more respected. And by listening to other people’s ideas, you might just figure out where you stand on important issues, too. More

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      Their Parents Are Giving Money to Scammers. They Can’t Stop Them.

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      One son couldn’t prevent his father from giving about $1 million in savings to con artists, including one posing as a female wrestling star. The two became estranged.When Chris Mancinelli walked into his father’s home for the first time after the 79-year-old man died last summer, he stopped to look at family photos displayed on the refrigerator door. Near a crayon drawing spelling out “grandpa” in rainbow colors were photos of his father’s three granddaughters at a swimming pool.But one image jumped out: a photo of Alexa Bliss, a professional wrestling personality.Mr. Mancinelli’s father, Alfred, was completely smitten with the star — or at least with the con artist impersonating her. He was convinced he was in a romantic relationship with Ms. Bliss, leading him to give up about $1 million in retirement savings (and his granddaughter’s college fund) to the impostor and a varied cast of online fraudsters he interacted with over several years.When Mr. Mancinelli tried to intervene, moving his father’s last $100,000 to a safe account, Alfred sued him — his loyalty was to “Lexi.”“There was nothing we could do to convince him,” said Mr. Mancinelli, 47, a chemical engineer in Collegeville, Pa. An elder care specialist deemed Alfred “really sharp,” he said, but lacking purpose.Mr. Mancinelli and others who have tried to awaken their loved ones from this trance often feel powerless, even after they’ve done everything to shatter the fiction and protect their assets. They say it’s as if their parent had been brainwashed into a cult.In some ways, they were: These victims were slowly groomed by con artists posing as love interests, investment advisers or government officials, among others. Once ensconced inside this bubble, they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge that they have become victims. Even when their own children are warning them of the con.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Those Voters Who Are Still Undecided

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      More from our inbox:Michelle Obama’s Plea to American MenAn Ex-N.F.L. Player, on Marijuana ReformBipartisan Action Needed to Support Our Children Rob VargasTo the Editor:Re “These Voters Aren’t Exactly Undecided. They’re Cringing,” by Megan K. Stack (Opinion guest essay, Oct. 20):I am struck by undecided voters who are still, at this point, paralyzed by the feeling that neither of the candidates are “good” options, or that they don’t “like” either choice.To those struggling to vote outside their party affiliation, or to vote at all: The cognitive dissonance you feel is uncomfortable, yes, but consider who benefits most from the resulting inaction. It’s not the voter, it’s individuals and groups who use political power and tribalism for their own gain.This election is not a sporting event, it is real life, and we owe it to ourselves and to each other to use our hard-won right to vote thoughtfully, no matter how uncomfortable it is.Natasha Thapar-OlmosLos AngelesThe writer is a licensed psychologist and a professor at Pepperdine University.To the Editor:Re “Battle Is Fierce for Sliver of Pie: Undecided Votes” (front page, Oct. 22):Women can save our country, and I believe they will. They know what is at stake — not only free choice regarding their bodies but also a democracy that celebrates the diversity of its citizens.As the online summary said of the undecided voters: “Both campaigns are digging through troves of data to find these crucial Americans. They both think many are younger, Black or Latino. The Harris team is also eyeing white, college-educated women.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Sean Combs and the Limits of the ‘Family Man’ Defense

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      On Monday, Sean Combs was arrested in Manhattan on racketeering and sex trafficking charges. If he’s convicted of the racketeering charge, it could potentially land him a life sentence. His legal team defended him that day with references to his role as a father. “Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is a music icon, self-made entrepreneur, loving family man and proven philanthropist who has spent the last 30 years building an empire, adoring his children and working to uplift the Black community,” they said in a statement. “He is an imperfect person, but he is not a criminal.”Combs has pleaded not guilty to these charges. Last year, after being accused of sexual assault in four separate lawsuits, Combs defended himself in part by invoking his family: “Let me be absolutely clear: I did not do any of the awful things being alleged. I will fight for my name, my family and for the truth.”The latest charges are vile, describing years of sexual and physical abuse, enabled by Combs’s vast fortune and the pull of his celebrity. The government outlines the way Combs and his staff allegedly used their power to “intimidate, threaten and lure female victims into Combs’s orbit, often under the pretense of a romantic relationship. Combs then used force, threats of force and coercion to cause victims to engage in extended sex acts with male commercial sex workers.”Combs was denied bail on Tuesday. His lawyers tried to appeal the decision with a letter to the judge. In this missive, Combs’s lawyers paint “victim 1” as simply a jilted, lonely lover. “That one person was an adult woman who lived alone, who never lived with Sean Combs. She had her own friends, she had her own life, as adults tend to do. Mr. Combs and this person were very much in love for a long time,” the letter states. “This one person often expressed anger and jealousy because Mr. Combs had another girlfriend, as will be testified to by many witnesses and as the written communications show.”Despite the fact that the world has seen video evidence of Combs assaulting his ex-girlfriend, his lawyers seem to believe that pitting Combs, a “loving family man,” against an “adult woman who lived alone” would be an effective defense.They’re trying it because, to some extent, we still assign a positive moral value to getting married and having children. It’s why Republicans keep using Kamala Harris’s lack of biological children to attack her character. Combs’s lawyers are also likely playing on built in prejudices against Black women in particular, who have always had a harder time being seen as respectable, aspirational or worthy of protection in the public eye.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      5 Books to Make Caregiving a Little More Manageable

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      Health care professionals and other experts shared recommendations for anyone providing and receiving care.Tina Sadarangani, a geriatric nurse practitioner in New York City, has spent years working with older adults and their families. She counsels patients on the medications they should take, the eating habits they should change and the specialists they should see.But it wasn’t until her own father became seriously ill — requiring a slew of medications, deliveries, physical therapy and more — that she understood the experience from what she calls “the other side of the table.”Dr. Sadarangani, who has a doctorate in nursing, comes from a family of medical providers. But most of the people who care for loved ones don’t have this expertise.“If it was this complicated for our family,” Dr. Sadarangani said, “how were people with no medical backgrounds doing this every day in America?”Resources like books aren’t a panacea, she said. But they can help validate experiences, offer advice and make us feel less alone. Here are five titles, recommended by health care providers and other experts, to help those who help others.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Gail Lumet Buckley, Chronicler of Black Family History, Dies at 86

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      She wrote two books about multiple generations of her forebears, including her mother, Lena Horne.Gail Lumet Buckley, who rather than follow her mother, Lena Horne, into show business, wrote two multigenerational books about their ambitious Black middle-class family, died on July 18 at her home in Santa Monica, Calif. She was 86.Her daughter Jenny Lumet, a screenwriter and film and television producer, said the cause was heart failure.Mrs. Buckley was inspired to chronicle her family history in the early 1980s, when her mother asked her to store an old trunk in her basement. It had belonged to Ms. Horne’s father, Edwin Jr., known as Teddy, and contained hundreds of artifacts that had belonged to relatives dating back six generations, to Sinai Reynolds, who had been born into slavery around 1777 and who in 1859 bought her freedom and that of members of her family.“There were photographs, letters, bills, notes,” Mrs. Buckley told The New York Times in a joint interview with her mother in 1986, as well as “speakeasy tickets, gambling receipts, college diplomas.”Those disparate paper fragments of history helped her structure “The Hornes: An American Family” (1986).Mrs. Buckley was inspired to chronicle her family history when she discovered, in an old trunk, hundreds of artifacts that had belonged to relatives dating back six generations.Alfred A. KnopfWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      8-Year-Old Is Killed and Two Adults Wounded in Queens Stabbing

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      Police officers arrived at an apartment in Jamaica to find a man holding his father at knife point and an 8-year-old mortally wounded.It was just after 5 p.m. on the Fourth of July when a bleeding woman staggered out of a Queens apartment building, begging for help.She had been stabbed in the back.When police officers from the nearby 103rd Precinct arrived, they found a grisly scene in a fifth-floor apartment: an older son holding his father at knife point; a younger boy nearby, dying from his wounds, the police said.The officers said the older son was holding his father in a headlock. They told him to drop the knife multiple times in English and Spanish, they said. When he did not, officers fired one round, striking the older son, who dropped the knife, said John Chell, the chief of patrol for the New York Police Department.The suspect is being treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital.“This was a tragic and horrific event,” Chief Chell said at a hastily gathered news conference on Thursday evening outside the apartment building, at the corner of Sutphin Boulevard and 94th Avenue in Jamaica, Queens.Police officials did not speculate on a motive for the attack that left the younger boy, who was 8 years old, dead. The family members’ names were not released, nor was the precise nature of the relationships among them.Police officials said the investigation was continuing. “This is a domestic incident,” Chief Chell said. “There is a relationship with all them here, and we’ll figure that out.”The police said that the woman, who is 29, and the father, 43, were expected to recover from their injuries. An 8-month-old girl who was also in the apartment was unharmed, the police said.Kaz Daughtry, the deputy commissioner of operations, said that the officers who had responded to the scene were crushed by the news that the boy had succumbed to his injuries: “One of them said, ‘We wish we could have got here a little sooner to save this young life.’” More

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      Bidens Border Crackdown Could Disproportionately Affect Families

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      Parents with children represent 40 percent of migrants who crossed the southern border this year. Now, they will be turned back within days, according to a memo obtained by The New York Times.A new border crackdown unveiled by the Biden administration this week is likely to disproportionately affect families, whose soaring numbers in the last decade have drastically changed the profile of the population crossing the southern border.Family units have come to represent a substantial share of border crossers, accounting for about 40 percent of all migrants who have entered the United States this year. Families generally have been released into the country quickly because of legal constraints that prevent children from being detained for extended periods.They then join the millions of undocumented people who stay in the United States indefinitely, under the radar of the U.S. authorities, as they wait for court dates years in the future.But according to a memo issued by the Homeland Security Department and obtained by The New York Times, families will be returned to their home countries within days under President Biden’s new border policy, which temporarily closed the U.S.-Mexico border to most asylum seekers as of 12:01 a.m. Wednesday.The implications of the new policy are enormous for families, who are some of the most vulnerable groups making the journey to the United States. Advocates warn that it could have dangerous repercussions, making parents more likely to separate from their children or send them alone to the border, because unaccompanied minors are exempt from the new policy.The vast majority of families seeking asylum are from Central America and Mexico, which places them in a category described in the memo as “easily removable,” akin to single adults from those regions. The memo lays out how the authorities are to carry out the new policy.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jill Biden Leaves France to Attend Hunter Biden’s Trial

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      The first lady’s departure from a high-profile foreign trip was a dramatic illustration of the Biden family’s personal priorities. She is expected to return to France on Saturday.Jill Biden, the first lady, left President Biden’s side in France on Thursday to make the trans-Atlantic trip back to Delaware, where Hunter Biden is standing trial on gun charges.The first lady is then scheduled to return to France for a state visit on Saturday, according to her communications director, Elizabeth Alexander.The departure of the first lady from a high-profile foreign trip was perhaps the most dramatic illustration yet of the Biden family’s personal priorities, which lie some 3,600 miles away from France, in Courtroom 4A of the J. Caleb Boggs Federal Building in Wilmington, Del.Hunter Biden is on trial on charges of lying about his drug use on a form to buy a gun in October 2018, and of illegally possessing the weapon.The boomerang trip also says something about the resolve of the first lady, who is not a blood relative of Hunter Biden but who is the woman who raised him since he was a small child. Over time, she has become her family’s protective backbone.“I’m his mom,” she said in an interview in 2022, when Hunter Biden was the subject of a federal investigation. “I mean, I have to support him and love him, and, you know, I’m constantly talking to him, sending him texts; ‘How you doing?’ Because it’s tough.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More