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    I Think My Son Is Gay. Should I Talk to Him About Coming Out?

    I’d love to be able to have honest conversations about what he’s going through.I am the mother of two delightful teenage boys in the throes of navigating all the challenges that youth brings. Over the past few years, it has become evident to me that my younger son is most likely gay. I believe I am the only person in the family to have noticed his interest in rainbow flags or his outrage at injustices to the L.G.B.T.Q.+ community, among other, subtler, indications.I’ve always thought it quite unfair that only those who fall under the L.G.B.T.Q.+ umbrella have the onerous burden of “coming out.” Last summer my son weathered the heartbreak of a dear friend, likely a crush, moving away. For Valentine’s Day, a female classmate asked my son out, and he turned her down. His life is getting increasingly complicated. I don’t want to push him to come out before he’s ready, but I’d love to be able to have honest conversations about some of what he’s going through. My question is: Should I wait and let him come out when he’s ready, or is there a way I can save him the trouble? What is the most thoughtful way to approach this? — Name WithheldFrom the Ethicist:I get why you want to spare him the awkward dance of coming out, but for many young people, it’s a way to claim an identity on their terms. (For many parents, in turn, it involves pretending that the declaration comes as news.) Pressing fast-forward could leave him with the sense that he has lost a measure of agency — that a big moment has been pre-empted. It could also make him feel exposed or rushed. There are all sorts of ways that you can indicate your loving acceptance and reassure him that you’ll be a soft place to land. Indeed, I’m sure you’ve already done so. When he’s ready, you’ll be there — arms open, heart steady, no script needed.Readers RespondThe previous question was from a reader wondering whether to disclose the toxic products used on the shared lawn when selling a condo. The reader wrote: “I am hoping to sell my condo. I live in a homeowner’s association that still uses many toxic landscaping products. … Several residents have worked over the past two years, without success, to change the association’s landscaping practices. What is my obligation to disclose these harmful products to prospective buyers, especially those with young children and pets?”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Gay-Themed Forum Is Canceled in Malaysia

    The public criticism from the government and online attacks that prompted its organizers to back down are the latest examples of the increasing influence of religious conservatism.A planned forum on L.G.B.T.Q.-related themes in Malaysia was indefinitely postponed after online attacks by the public and harsh criticism by a government official. It’s the latest instance of how the government of Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim has taken a harder line in an effort to shore up support among the country’s Muslim majority.Malaysia’s Parliament now includes the conservative Islamist party, Parti Islam SeMalaysia, which is the largest party in the lower house. Its growing influence has increased pressure on the government to adopt more conservative positions, with the party accusing Mr. Anwar’s administration of failing to safeguard Islamic values.In the past, Mr. Anwar has expressed a degree of tolerance toward the L.G.B.T.Q. community.“Muslims and non-Muslims alike, there is a consensus — they do not accept this,” he said in a 2023 interview with CNN, referring to public displays of affection by gay people. “But do we then go and harass them? That is a different subject. I do not approve of any attempt to harass.”The workshop, titled “Pride Care: Queer Stories & Sexual Health Awareness” and organized by the youth wing of a small opposition party, was to take place next month. Efforts to publicize the event on social media quickly went viral, prompting hateful comments and death threats by the public. Many posts tagged the Royal Malaysian Police, urging them to investigate the event.The government of Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim has taken a harder line against homosexuality in an effort to shore up its support among the country’s Muslim majority.Mohd Rasfan/Agence France-Presse — Getty ImagesOn Wednesday, Mohd Na’im Mokhtar, the government’s religious affairs minister, described the planned gathering as a promotion of “deviant culture.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Liberals Are Cautiously Optimistic About Pope Leo XIV’s Views on LGBTQ Catholics

    Pope Leo XIV has said little publicly about a place in the Catholic Church for gay and transgender people. Some thought the issue would not be key to his agenda.Pope Leo XIV ascended to the papacy on Thursday with little public record on L.G.B.T.Q. issues, a signature concern of his predecessor, Pope Francis, as well as a source of deep conflict between liberal and conservative Catholics.Nevertheless, proponents of greater inclusion for gay and transgender people in the church said they were cautiously optimistic, even if they might not know much about the man who will now lead the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics. Until today, few people believed an American pope was a possibility.“We are sitting here Googling everything we can about the new pope,” said Francis DeBernardo, who runs New Ways Ministry, a Maryland-based group that promotes L.G.B.T.Q. inclusion in the church. “I think he is the best we could have hoped for.”The Rev. James Martin, a Jesuit writer and well-known proponent of outreach to L.G.B.T.Q. Catholics, said he was “stunned” that an American had been chosen, but that he “rejoiced in the selection” of the new pope, whom he had met socially in the past.“I know him to be a down-to-earth, kind, modest, reserved guy, hardworking, decisive, not afraid of speaking his mind,” Father Martin said in a statement. “It is a great choice.”Pope Francis was praised by admirers for his openness to members of the L.G.B.T.Q. community, his support for those who provided them with ministry and spiritual guidance, and for the ways in which he changed the church’s tone — if not always its doctrine — on issues of gender and sexuality.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Utah Bans Most Flags, Including Pride, at Schools and Government Buildings

    The new law is among the most restrictive governing displays of flags, and is part of a polarizing debate focused on the Pride flag and other expressions of L.G.B.T.Q. support.The Utah State Legislature approved a measure that bans the display of all but approved flags in schools and government buildings, a divisive move that civil rights groups have said will undermine free expression for L.G.B.T.Q. people and their supporters.The measure, which became law on Thursday, allows only flags explicitly exempt from the ban — including the United States flag, the Utah state flag and military flags — to be displayed. Other flags, such as the Pride flag and those supporting political causes, will be barred from being flown at government buildings.The new law is one of the most restrictive passed by a state to govern the display of flags, in what has become a polarizing debate largely focused on the Pride flag and other expressions of L.G.B.T.Q. support.Other states, such as Idaho, have passed restrictions on the display of flags in schools, while lawmakers in Florida are considering similar proposals. Supporters of the measure have framed it as a way to make schools and government buildings less political.“Tax payer funded entities shouldn’t be promoting political agendas,” Trevor Lee, a Republican lawmaker who sponsored the bill, said on social media on Friday. “This is a massive win for Utah.”In a letter on Thursday, Gov. Spencer Cox, a Republican, said he had “serious concerns” about the bill. He said he had allowed it to become law without his signature because his veto would have been overridden.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Supreme Court to Hear Challenge to Law Banning Conversion Therapy

    Colorado, like more than 20 other states, bars licensed therapists from trying to change the sexual orientation or gender identity of minors in their care.The Supreme Court said on Monday that it will hear a First Amendment challenge to a Colorado law banning professional counseling services engaged in conversion therapy intended to change a minor’s gender identity or sexual orientation.More than 20 states have similar laws, which are supported by leading medical groups. Kaley Chiles, a licensed professional counselor, challenged the constitutionality of the Colorado law in federal court, saying it violated her rights to free speech and the free exercise of religion.The challenged law prohibits licensed therapists in Colorado from performing conversion therapy, which it defines to include efforts “to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity.” That includes trying “to eliminate or reduce sexual or romantic attraction or feelings toward individuals of the same sex.”The law, adopted in 2019, allow treatments that provide “acceptance, support and understanding.” It exempts therapists “engaged in the practice of religious ministry.”Ms. Chiles’s lawyers told the justices in her petition seeking review that as “a practicing Christian, Chiles believes that people flourish when they live consistently with God’s design, including their biological sex.”In her lawsuit, Ms. Chiles said she wanted to help her clients achieve their goals, which can include “seeking to reduce or eliminate unwanted sexual attractions, change sexual behaviors or grow in the experience of harmony with one’s physical body.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Amid Concern Over Trump Order, New Yorkers Rally to Support Trans Youth

    Thousands of protesters in Union Square called for action against an executive order that threatens to withhold federal funding from hospitals that provide gender-affirming care.Bells, drums and chants rang out Saturday afternoon in Union Square in Manhattan as thousands of New Yorkers gathered to protest an executive order from the Trump administration targeting transgender children and teens.The order, which threatens to withhold federal funding from hospitals that provide gender-affirming treatments to trans youth, has left many local families worried and reeling.At the rally, parents and children came together with activists and lawmakers to share their stories and call for action against President Trump’s policies.Juno Krebs, 10, a nonbinary student from Brooklyn, said the executive order was “scary” and that it felt like the administration was “trying to take away our rights.”“I don’t identify as a girl or a boy, and I should be respected for that,” Juno said. “It doesn’t feel any different. It just feels like me, honestly.”For Michelle Byron, the mother of a transgender and nonbinary teenager, the order has raised painful and frightening questions about her child’s ability to continue receiving gender-affirming care, which can include hormone therapy, puberty blockers and surgery, though such procedures are rare for minors.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Peggy Caserta, Who Wrote a Tell-All About Janis Joplin, Dies at 84

    Her Haight-Ashbury clothing store was ground zero for the counterculture. But she was best known for a tawdry book — which she later disavowed — published after Ms. Joplin’s death.Peggy Caserta, whose funky Haight-Ashbury clothing boutique was a magnet for young bohemians and musicians, and who exploited her relationship with Janis Joplin in a much-panned 1973 memoir that she later disavowed, died on Nov. 21 at her home in Tillamook, Ore. She was 84.Her partner and only immediate survivor, Jackie Mendelson, confirmed the death but did not specify a cause.The Louisiana-born Ms. Caserta was 23 and working at a Delta Air Lines office in San Francisco when she decided to open a clothing store for her cohort, the lesbians in her neighborhood. She found an empty storefront on Haight Street, near the corner of Ashbury, which she rented for $87.50 a month.At first Ms. Caserta sold jeans, sweatshirts and double-breasted denim blazers that her mother made. Then she added Levi’s pants, which a friend turned into flares by inserting a triangle of denim into the side seams. When the friend couldn’t keep up with the orders, Ms. Caserta persuaded Levi Strauss & Company to make them.She named the place Mnasidika (pronounced na-SID-ek-ah), after a character in a poem by Sappho. “It’s a Greek girls’ name,” Ms. Caserta told The San Francisco Examiner in 1965, for an article about the “new bohemians” colonizing the Haight-Ashbury district.Ms. Caserta was 23 when she opened a clothing store, Mnasidika, in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco.via Wyatt MackenzieWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    The Theologian Who Changed His Mind About Gay Marriage

    I’ve spent my life in politics, but faith has been most central to shaping who I am. My conversations with people of faith have been among the most enriching of my life. Richard Hays, an ordained minister who is an emeritus professor at Duke Divinity School, is one of the world’s leading New Testament theologians. In 1996 he wrote “The Moral Vision of the New Testament,” in which he argued that gay and lesbian sexual relationships distort God’s created order and that churches should not bless same-sex unions. In his new book, “The Widening of God’s Mercy,” written with his son Christopher Hays, Richard Hays says he was wrong. I spoke to Richard Hays about his journey and what changed his mind. This conversation, which has been lightly edited, is the first of what I hope will be a series exploring the world of faith.1. A Different Way of Looking at How God Sees Gay RelationshipsPeter Wehner: You now hold an affirming view, the belief that gay relationships are not sinful and that sexual orientation and gender identity are not justification for exclusion from church membership or leadership. You had a very different view in 1996 when you wrote “The Moral Vision of the New Testament.” What do you see now that you didn’t see in 1996, and what would Richard Hays circa 2024 say to his younger self?Richard Hays: What I see now has been over the last 10 to 15 years, the experience of having gay and lesbian students in my classes, when I was still teaching, who were very clearly committed to the church and to Christian faith and who were seeking conscientiously how best to serve going forward. That couldn’t help but make an impression on me.And the other thing closely related to that is that in my own experience in the church, I saw church members who were not theological students or anything like that but who were exercising roles of gracious and meaningful leadership.The other thing that I’ve seen is that in the conservative evangelical churches, there was a kind of smug hostility toward gay and lesbian people, and the attitudes that I was encountering there didn’t seem to me consonant with the New Testament’s portrayal of what people seeking to follow Jesus should be like. That they should be patient, kind, generous. And I didn’t see that.I saw ugly condescension in those churches where that was the strongly held view. And the most dismaying thing about that is that people who were manifesting those attitudes were appealing to my book as a justification, which I actually think means they didn’t read my book very carefully. Because back in 1996, at the time when gay marriage was illegal in the United States and forbidden in just about every church, with maybe one or two exceptions, I saw that chapter as, in part, making an appeal for people to be graciously accepting of gay folks.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More