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    Jon Stewart on CNN’s Biden book: ‘Selling you a book about news they should have told you’

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    Late-night hosts rip CNN for promoting a book on Joe Biden’s health and weigh in on Donald Trump attacking Taylor Swift and Bruce Springsteen.Jon StewartOn the Daily Show, Jon Stewart tore into CNN anchor Jake Tapper for promoting his book Original Sin, written with Alex Thompson, on his network. The host played several clips of Tapper teasing the book, which reports on Biden’s mental decline while still in the White House. In the final clip, Tapper says: “You will not believe what we found out.”“Don’t news people have to tell you what they know when they find it out?” Stewart wondered on Monday evening. “Isn’t that the difference between news and a secret? ‘You won’t believe what we found out’ – no, that’s why I watch breaking news.”Stewart noted real breaking news on Sunday, which was confirmation from Biden’s personal team that he was diagnosed with “aggressive” prostate cancer and was considering treatment options. “Doing the story seems almost disrespectful,” said Stewart. “Can CNN thread the needle? How do you pivot from excitedly promoting your anchor’s book to somberly and respectfully promoting your anchor’s book?”Well, as one CNN staffer put it: “This was already going to be a tough week, and this makes it much harder. And that is a reference to the fact that our colleagues, Jake Tapper and Alex Thompson have a book that’s set to be published on Tuesday.”“It’s so hard, it’s such a difficult time, so unfathomable in terms of the pain his family must be feeling,” Stewart mocked. “And yet, if you act now, you use the code ‘backslash tap that book’, it’s 20% off.”Jokes aside, Stewart acknowledged: “How fucking weird it is that the news is selling you a book about news they should have told you was news a year ago, for free.”“I understand the excitement over an insidious Democratic cover-up about Joe Biden’s mental decline,” he added. “The thing is though, it was a terrible cover-up, because we all fucking knew.”“There was no cover-up – poll after poll showed vast majorities of the public thought Biden was too old and too out of it to run again,” he continued. “Dean Phillips mounted an entire primary campaign because of it.”“He along with most of the public knew it was a bad idea for Biden to run. We knew it,” Stewart concluded. “And that’s what’s so hilarious about politicians. The cover-up doesn’t work when everyone knows you’re lying.”Stephen ColbertMeanwhile, Trump spent the weekend “settling back into the White House after his Mideast all-you-can-bribe buffet”, as Stephen Colbert put it on Monday’s Late Show.“He just loved it over there!” he continued. “He was having such a good time with the princes and the palaces and the marble and the gold, and the special souvenir he really wants to bring home: obedience to leaders on punishment of death.”Trump “spent this beautiful weekend viciously attacking anyone who dare defy him”, including Walmart, which recently said his tariffs were “too high” and would force the chain to raise prices. “Which means it’s going to cost you a lot more when you run out for milk, one Goodyear tire and a t-shirt that says ‘Shrek yourself before you wreck yourself,’” Colbert joked.Evidently, Trump did not like Walmart “accurately describing how he has personally affected your pocketbook”, so he posted on Truth Social: “Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain … they should as is said, ‘EAT THE TARIFFS’”Colbert broke out his Trump impression: “As is said, I make a mess, you eat it. That’s how the world works. Which reminds me – JD, there’s some hot dog stuck in my golf cleats. Get over here with your tongue and a positive attitude.”Walmart wasn’t Trump’s only target on social media this weekend. On Friday, out of nowhere, he posted: “Has anyone noticed that, since I said ‘I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,’ she’s no longer ‘HOT?’”“First of all, sir, keep my best friend Taylor Swift’s name out of your filthy nugget hole,” said Colbert. “Second, it’s possible people are talking about her a little less these days because her 149-date Eras Tour ended six months ago.”But attacking Swift was “just a warm-up”, because he also went after Bruce Springsteen, after the musician called him “corrupt, incompetent and treasonous” at a concert in Manchester, England.In a rambling Truth Social post, Trump called Springsteen “highly overrated”, said he “never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics” and claimed “he is not a talented guy”.“What are you doing? Attacking Bruce is like attacking America itself!” Colbert marveled.Trump went on: “This dried out ‘prune’ of a rocker (his skin is all atrophied!) ought to KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT until he gets back into the Country.”“Pretty bold to say someone else’s skin is atrophied when your own complexion can best be described as Tandoori Catcher’s Mitt,” Colbert quipped. More

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      Win a game show, become a US citizen? We’ve entered the realm of the truly depraved | Dave Schilling

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      I guess Republicans really love game shows. Just a few days after Fox aired its “isn’t Trump wild” guessing game, What Did I Miss, it was revealed that the TV producer Rob Worsoff has pitched the United States Department of Homeland Security on a series premise he calls The American, which would give immigrants a chance to compete in a series of challenges for the prize of US citizenship. The actual process of winning citizenship is obviously too boring to film. Filling out an N-400 form? Snore. A written exam? I’d rather watch a dog eat grass. Skip all that and give us an obstacle course instead.People have stupid ideas all the time. My child thought it would be fun to squeeze lemon juice in his hot chocolate. He took one sip, almost barfed on the table, then begged me to order him another, lemon-less beverage. Stupid ideas are great, because most of them are harmless. “Oh, I ate a large bug off the ground. Whoops.” The only stupid ideas that are a problem are the ones where the actual government considers cosigning them. The DHS assistant secretary Tricia McLaughlin was asked by Time magazine what the status of Worsoff’s pitch was and responded via email that it “has not received approval or rejection by staff”.Gotta really think this one through, I guess. Something like this must be thoroughly vetted by serious people. How cruel is this one, exactly? How desirable is the bloodthirsty demo for advertisers these days? Can we sell a presenting sponsorship? And is this for streaming or broadcast? Can we get Chris Hardwick to host? These are all vital questions to consider before making a decision in show business.Such an idea would be eye-rollingly low-class in normal times, but as the Trump administration attempts to ramp up deportations and to do away with the constitutional right of citizenship by birth (and federal courts bravely fight back), this dumb concept travels at warp speed to the dimension of the truly depraved. The US Citizenship and Immigration Services website takes great pains to describe the process of becoming an American as solemn and full of responsibility. Step 10 of the site’s “10 Steps to Naturalization” is “Understanding U.S. Citizenship”. It states: “Citizenship is the common thread that connects all Americans. Check out this list of some of the most important rights and responsibilities that all citizens – both Americans by birth and by choice – should exercise, honor, and respect.”Yes, but what if you had to guess the number of jelly beans in a jar first?To make his pitch even more appealing to the bigwigs in Washington, Worsoff suggested a few choice ideas for challenges that correspond to the most stereotypical aspects of life in America’s 50 states. A pizza-making contest for New York, a rocket-launching challenge for Florida, and a “gold rush challenge” for California. Nothing says “vital skills for living in 2025” like panning for gold in a pair of tattered Levi’s 501s. Perhaps Levi’s will sponsor the segment. Gosh, this thing pays for itself.But why stop there? Maybe a Breaking Bad-themed meth-making challenge for New Mexico. Polygamy challenge for Utah? How efficiently can you operate a turn-of-the-20th-century steel mill in Pennsylvania? Can you safely land a plane at Newark airport? For Washington state, you just have to answer trivia questions about Seattle inaccuracies in the sitcom Frasier. The possibilities for inanity are significant.In order to advance to the next round of this bottomless pit of human misery, contestants would be subjected to a vote, which Worsoff described as “like a presidential election”. Oh, how fun. Can you contest the results of that vote, too? Worsoff said in an CNN interview that his idea is “not like the Hunger Games”. Mostly because the costume budget isn’t as high.The Democratic opposition in Congress has, naturally, lined up to publicly condemn such a grotesque notion. The New York congressman Jerry Nadler said on X (formerly known as a useful platform for conversation) that “human lives are not game show props.”A nice sentiment, but I must be the bearer of bad news. Human lives have been game show props since the invention of the form. In 2005, Fox (why is it always Fox?) aired a reality show called Who’s Your Daddy, where a woman had to guess which of eight men was her real father. If she guessed correctly, she’d win both an awkward conversation and $100,000. Presumably the cash prize would go directly to her therapy bills. Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise, while not a game show (the real winners are the viewers, I suppose) is a reality universe where women frequently abuse alcohol to the detriment of their own lives and the lives of others around them. If human lives are not props in these shows, are they even entertaining to the masses?An idea like The American, then, is the natural extension of the genre, taking someone’s desperation, fear, and overwhelming desire and squeezing all the drama possible out of it. Worsoff told CNN that he had pitched this idea to previous Democratic administrations, but weirdly, we never heard about it back then. It’s only now that such a concept feels enough in line with the zeitgeist of immigration paranoia that Worsoff felt emboldened to speak freely about it.He said: “I’m putting a face to immigration. This is a great celebration of America.” Yes, it is a celebration of America. Specifically our worst impulses: the desire to make everything a game and revel in the bread-and-circuses spectacle of life and death, but to cloak it in nobility and charity. Worsoff continued: “I’m very fortunate and lucky and honored to be an American. And I want everybody to understand the process.”At no point did I think that a pizza-making contest was part of the process.

      Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist More

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      ‘Fight back’: journalist taking Trump administration to court calls for media to resist attacks

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      The lead plaintiff in a lawsuit fighting Donald Trump’s order to dismantle Voice of America has said the media has to resist as the administration becomes increasingly aggressive against the press.“I never in a million years thought I would have to fight for freedom of the press in the United States of America. And yet here we are,” says Patsy Widakuswara, the White House bureau chief for the broadcasting network. “As journalism is under attack, it feels empowering to fight back. We need more people to resist and fight back.”Kicked out of press conferences on multiple continents for asking pointed questions, Widakuswara is not the type to balk at challenging powerful leaders. In her three decades as a journalist those instincts have served her well, and perhaps at no better time than now.The White House reporter is now leading the charge to save VOA, which the US president has described as “anti-Trump” and “radical”. In March, Trump signed an executive order that effectively cut off its funding via its parent company, the US Agency for Global Media (USAGM).Launched in 1942, initially to counter Nazi propaganda, VOA is a federally funded international broadcasting network, produced in dozens of languages that reach about 350 million people around the globe.View image in fullscreenFor decades it has been seen as a form of soft power, encapsulating the values of liberal America. But after Trump’s order its operations have been suspended, with virtually all of VOA’s staff of 1,300 placed on immediate administrative leave and about 600 contractors terminated.The lawsuit filed by Widakuswara and several of her colleagues follows lawsuits the Trump administration has taken out against ABC News and CBS’s 60 Minutes in the US, and attempts to expel some press from the White House. Those backing the case argue that VOA has for decades provided an important source of objective information, especially in illiberal environments.“These are not just women in Afghanistan or farmers in Africa,” said Widakuswara of VOA’s audience. “They’re also activists in Russia and decision makers all around the world who are also facing the onslaught of disinformation and propaganda from Russia, Iran, China, and extremist organisations like [Islamic State] and al-Qaida.”At home having a quiet Saturday when she received the email about VOA’s demise, Widakuswara says to do nothing was inconceivable. In a matter of days she had rallied a team to fight against it, and by Friday morning had filed a lawsuit.“It’s just the way I’m wired,” she says over the phone from Washington. “Congress gave us a mandate to tell America’s story to the world through factual, balanced and comprehensive reporting. If they want to change the size, structure or function of VOA, they can’t just shut us down. They must go through Congress. That’s the law.”View image in fullscreen‘Holding autocratic governments to account’Starting her career in Jakarta in the late 90s, just as Indonesia’s decades-long dictator Suharto was being toppled, the Indonesian-born journalist has seen first-hand the impacts of authoritarian regimes.Widakuswara worked at a campus radio station, and later as a fixer for foreign journalists when they flooded in to cover the event, as mass student protests inundated the parliament building and forced Suharto to step down.skip past newsletter promotionafter newsletter promotion“That was my first taste in media,” she says. “Holding autocratic governments to account.”The experience led to a career in television, and a British Foreign and Commonwealth Office scholarship to obtain her master’s in journalism at Goldsmiths, University of London. After stints at the BBC and Channel 4, she was named VOA’s White House bureau chief in 2021.Now, she finds herself pushing against fascistic tendencies in her adopted home. “I grew up in 80s Indonesia where there was no press freedom and newspapers had to be careful what they printed to avoid government closure,” she says. “Could the US backslide that far? Not if enough people resist, and that’s why I’m fighting back.”Her lawsuit, backed by Reporters Without Borders and four unions, argues the Trump administration, through the actions of the defendants, USAGM, and the government’s special adviser Kari Lake, are attempting to unlawfully dismantle VOA’s operations because they deem it contrary to the government’s agenda.Widakuswara argues that Trump’s executive order is a violation of press freedom, the first amendment, and laws to prevent executive overreach, with VOA funding approved by Congress, not the president.Another motivating factor is to support her 47 colleagues at VOA on J-1 or journalist visas in the US, who could be sent back to countries such as Russia, Belarus, Vietnam and Myanmar which have previously jailed journalists.Widakuswara’s efforts to save VOA appeared to score an early win, with a judge in April ordering the Trump administration to restore funding to VOA and other US-funded media. But the preliminary injunction was only a temporary measure.On Saturday, just as VOA staff were preparing for a “phased return” to work, a court of appeals issued a stay on that ruling, saying the court did not have the authority to block Trump’s executive order regarding employment matters.Keenly aware of the unfavourable political climate she is up against, Widakuswara says it is hard to know if their case will ultimately prevail, but the only choice is to try. “Even if it’s just like a 5% chance or even a 1% chance, that’s better than a 0% chance, which is what happens if we do nothing.” More

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      Seth Meyers on looming recession: ‘We all knew Trump was bad with money’

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      Late-night hosts pondered a possible recession under Donald Trump, as the US economy contracted during the first quarter of 2025.Seth MeyersThe US economy officially contracted during the first quarter of 2025, with -0.3% growth that seemed to surprise even newscasters. “It’s very sweet that the news anchors are acting so surprised,” said Seth Meyers on Wednesday evening, “but come on – we all knew Trump was bad with money. He bankrupted casinos, lost a billion dollars and he dresses like a guy selling watches in a dark alley. Also everyone said what Trump was doing was bad for the economy, and it was bad for the economy.“We’ve seen recessions before,” the Late Night host continued, “but we haven’t seen this specific confluence of factors – rising prices, negative growth – in a long time. And what makes it so much worse is that just a few months ago, we had an economy that was considered the strongest in the world.“But who cares about the economy?” he added. “Trump is doing the important stuff anyway, like renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, not that anyone could afford new maps with these tariffs.”During the now-halcyon days of the Biden presidency, Trump took credit for the booming economy, attributing stock market gains to expectations that he would win the election. But now, Trump is blaming Biden for a possible oncoming recession. “I get it now – when the economy is good under Biden, it’s because of you. But when the economy is bad under you, it’s because of Biden,” said Meyers. “You know, Harry Truman had a sign on his desk at the Oval Office that said, ‘the buck stops here,’ which let people know the value of taking responsibility. I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump had one that says, ‘get that fucking buck away from me! I’ve never seen that buck before in my life!!!’“Thanks to Trump’s policies, we’re now staring down the prospect of rising prices and possibly even barren shelves, and his team is basically just shrugging and hoping for the best,” Meyers summarized. When asked about 145% tariffs on China, which will raise prices for most products for American consumers, Trump simply answered without merit: “China will have to eat those tariffs.“China will not eat those tariffs. We will eat them,” said Meyers. “Literally, we will have to eat tariffs because we won’t be able to afford the mangos.”Jimmy Kimmel“Sixty per cent of economists who were polled believe there is a high or very high chance of a recession, so the president now is distancing himself from himself,” said Jimmy Kimmel.On Truth Social, Trump posted: “This is Biden’s stock market, not Trump’s … our country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden ‘Overhang.’” He also added: “BE PATIENT!!!”“What happened to the guy who promised it would all happen on day one?” Kimmel laughed. “What happened to the guy who less than 100 days into his first presidency crowed” about $3.2tn in gains just because he won the election.“The buck stops wherever he wants it to stop,” he added. “And consumer confidence is at its lowest level since May of 2020. You remember what happened in May of 2020? We were fighting old ladies for toilet paper in May of 2020.”Kimmel also talked about Trump’s frightening interview with ABC, which Kimmel called “the most disturbing moment yet” of his presidency. “Trump says crazy stuff every day. But most of the time, you know he’s full of it – he’s bragging, lying or whatever, just throwing crap on to his vision board.” But the ABC interview on Tuesday “went off that rails” when Trump showed the interviewer a mock-up image trying to justify the unlawful and erroneous deportation of Kilmar Ábrego García to a prison in El Salvador.“This couldn’t look worse even if Trump had written it in a Sharpie himself,” said Kimmel. “Our president is falling for Facebook memes.”Stephen ColbertAnd on the Late Show, Stephen Colbert reacted to the report that the US economy contracted in the first quarter of 2025, shrinking 0.3% – much worse than economists projected. “And that’s saying a lot, because economists did not have high expectations,” said Colbert. “This is like your girlfriend’s review of the Phish concert: I didn’t know any of the songs going in and I don’t like that kind of music, and once I got there I actually hated it.”On Truth Social, Trump tried to deflect blame, posting: “This is Biden’s stock market, not Trump’s.”“OK, but when Biden was president and the market was good, back then Trump posted ‘this is the Trump stock market, because my polls against Biden are so good that investors are projecting that I will win,’” said Colbert.“It’s Freaky Friday rule,” he mocked. “When Biden is president, it’s actually me and when I’m president, it’s actually Jamie Lee Curtis.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel on Hegseth bringing his wife to meetings: ‘Maybe she’s his designated driver’

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      With several hosts still on holiday, Jimmy Kimmel reacts to reports of a screaming match at the White House and Pete Hegseth bringing his wife to meetings.Jimmy KimmelThursday was Bring Your Child To Work Day, and indeed, “there’s been a lot of childish behavior at the White House as of late,” said Kimmel. For example, Axios reported that Elon Musk had an expletive-filled, chest-to-chest shouting match outside the Oval Office with treasury secretary Scott Bessent over who would run the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).Bessent reportedly confronted Musk in a hallway, and “the F-bombs started to fly – or at least, that’s what Pete Hegseth texted his wife and brother,” Kimmel quipped.The White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, “put her own spin on it”, Kimmel noted. In a statement, Leavitt said: “It’s no secret President Trump has put together a team of people who are incredibly passionate about the issues impacting our country.”“Really? Because this is Scott Bessent,” Kimmel said next to a photo of a very corporate looking, grey-haired white man. “This is a guy who is incredibly passionate? Looks like the only F-word he’s used before this is fiber. Scott Bessent looks like Will Ferrell playing George Bush playing Janet Reno.”The argument was allegedly so loud that it interrupted a meeting between Trump and the prime minister of Italy. “They say no one has screamed that loud in the White House since the time Eric got his penis caught in the resolute desk,” Kimmel joked.The host then turned to another beleaguered Trump official: Hegseth, the defense secretary, under fire this week for sending more sensitive information in a second Signal group chat that included his wife and other family members.Additionally, numerous officials were reportedly annoyed when Hegseth brought his wife to meetings they assumed were one-on-one. The Pentagon denied the reports; according to Sean Parnell, the chief spokesperson for the Pentagon, Jennifer Hegseth “never attended a meeting where sensitive information or classified information was discussed”.“Of course she hasn’t – she doesn’t need to. If there’s anything exciting, he catches her up on a text,” Kimmel retorted.“Maybe there’s a good reason for her to be at the meetings. Maybe she’s his designated driver,” he added.Kimmel also mocked reports that Hegseth had a makeup booth installed at the Pentagon for on-camera interviews, which the defense secretary denied; instead, according to a spokesperson, Hegseth does his own makeup.“The good news is, when he gets booted from the Pentagon, he’ll be able to get a job at Sephora,” Kimmel joked. “The defense secretary has a makeup room, the vice-president wears eyeliner, and yet somehow this administration spends all day every day complaining about trans women ruining sports.” More

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      Bill Maher calls Larry David’s satire of his Trump dinner ‘kind of insulting to 6 million dead Jews’

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      Bill Maher has responded to Larry David’s satirical essay in the New York Times that compared Maher’s glowing account of having dinner with Donald Trump to dining with Adolf Hitler.Maher, a vocal critic of Trump in the past, had dinner with the US president and a group of his high-profile supporters, including their mutual friend Kid Rock, on 31 March. On an episode of his talkshow Real Time on 11 April, Maher described Trump as “gracious” and “much more self-aware than he lets on”, saying: “Everything I’ve ever not liked about him was – I swear to God – absent, at least on this night with this guy.”The New York Times then published a satirical piece written by the Curb Your Enthusiasm creator, a first-person account from a critic of Hitler who accepts a dinner invitation from the Führer and ends up deciding “we’re not that different, after all”.“I had been a vocal critic of his on the radio from the beginning, pretty much predicting everything he was going to do on the road to dictatorship,” David wrote.“But eventually I concluded that hate gets us nowhere. I knew I couldn’t change his views, but we need to talk to the other side – even if it has invaded and annexed other countries and committed unspeakable crimes against humanity.”Appearing on Piers Morgan’s talkshow Uncensored on Thursday, Maher said: “First of all, it’s kind of insulting to 6 million dead Jews … It’s an argument you kind of lost just to start it. Look, maybe it’s not completely logically fair, but Hitler has really kind of got to stay in his own place. He is the GOAT of evil.”Maher told Morgan he considered David a friend, and didn’t know about the piece until his publicist told him it had been published. “This wasn’t my favourite moment of our friendship,” he said.“Nobody has been harder, and more prescient, I must say, about Donald Trump than me. I don’t need to be lectured on who Donald Trump is. Just the fact that I met him in person didn’t change that. The fact that I reported honestly is not a sin either.”Maher told Morgan he didn’t want to “make this constantly personal with me and Larry”, saying: “We might be friends again.”“I can take a shot and I can also take it when people disagree with me. That’s not exactly the way I would’ve done it.“Again, the irony: let’s go back to what my original thing was. There’s got to be a better way than hurling insults and not talking to people. If I can talk to Trump, I can talk to Larry David too.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel on Pete Hegseth: ‘Our secretary of defense is defenseless’

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      With several hosts still on Easter holiday, Jimmy Kimmel talks the search for a new pope and Pete Hegseth’s ongoing Signal scandals at the Department of Defense.Jimmy KimmelKimmel kicked off his show Tuesday by acknowledging Earth Day – and for the occasion, the US Environmental Protection Agency fired or reassigned hundreds of employees. “I can’t help but wonder how different things might be if Donald Trump’s father had taken him camping even one time,” he joked.He then turned his attention to the top global story of the week: the search for a new pope after Pope Francis died on Monday morning at the age of 88. “Nobody is going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie Conclave and now knows everything about how it works,” said Kimmel. “I’ll tell you how it works: over the next few weeks, 135 flamboyantly dressed cardinals will gather to pass judgment on a series of aspiring candidates and in a lot of ways, it’s the Catholic version of RuPaul’s Drag Race.”Kimmel had a personal favorite: an Italian cardinal long stationed in Jerusalem named Pierbattista Pizzaballa.“Is he qualified? Honestly, we have no idea,” said Kimmel in a prayer for the very Italian-sounding Italian cardinal to be named pope. “Is he made of pizza? Also unclear. Is he round like a balla? We also don’t know. But his name is so funny, please grant the other cardinals the strength to give us a Pope Pizzaballa.”Kimmel also mocked Trump’s defense secretary, Hegseth, who is once again in hot water over using unsanctioned messaging apps to discuss sensitive military operations. Earlier this week, it was reported that Hegseth used a second Signal group chat, this one including family members, to discuss planned strikes in Yemen.Appearing on Fox News, Hegseth tried to dismiss furor as misguided: “Then and now, however you characterize it, was informal, unclassified coordinations … that’s what I’ve said from the beginning.”“Right, but it was bullshit from the beginning, too,” Kimmel responded. “You texted the exact time and place the secret bombing would begin before the secret bombing to your wife on an easily hackable phone. And is defense for this is ‘who told you? And how dare they tell you!’”“This is like your wife catching you in bed with another woman and your response is ‘well, why did you come home so early?’” he continued. “Our secretary of defense is defenseless, but it’s not his fault! The ones who get the blame for this is the leakers.”Kimmel then played a supercut of Hegseth complaining about “leakers” – “I don’t have time for leakers,” he said during the same Fox News interview.“You don’t have time for leakers? You are the leaker,” said an exasperated Kimmel. “You leak so much, you should be wearing Depends to work.” More

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      Stephen Colbert on potential alien life: ‘Take us to your leader, we don’t have one anymore’

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      Late-night hosts spoke about the Easter weekend, potential alien life and Donald Trump’s recent meeting with the Italian prime minister.Stephen ColbertOn The Late Show, Stephen Colbert pointed out that this year’s Easter Sunday also falls on 4/20, the unofficial holiday for weed enthusiasts.He joked that it would be “the Sunday he is risen and you is high”.This week saw Trump meet with the rightwing Italian prime minister, Giorgia Meloni. Some had hoped she might “ease the tariff tension” as she is often referred to as a “Trump whisperer”.He then played footage of Meloni speaking in Italian to Trump who complimented her directly after. “I’ll have the same thing she ordered but double meatball, double parm,” Colbert joked.Meloni has now made an offer to Trump to make an official visit to Italy, a place Colbert said he would feel at home as he “looks like a pile of prosciutto with a little spaghetti on top”.Due to massive cuts to the Department of Health and Human Services, the FDA might have to stop inspections at food facilities. Colbert joked that we would know get to enjoy Tyson’s tangy buffalo beaks and thumbs.The administration is “actively trying to make health officials dumber” with halted efforts to collect data on many issues. It will now lead to “TLC’s sexy new reality show Drug-Resistant Gonorrhea Island”.This is all “just the tip of the cutberg” with the weather service also in trouble, seeing 300 employees let go as severe storm season ramps up, “when we need the weather people the most”.Colbert said that Twisters “will soon be the only programming on the weather channel”.He said that some are scrambling to make major discoveries “before science ends forever” such as this week’s reveal that there is possible signature of life on a distant planet.Officials have said that further studies are needed but Colbert expressed excitement, saying: “Please aliens take us to your leader, we don’t have one anymore.”Conspiracy theorists have also claimed that this week’s controversial all-female Blue Origin space stunt was faked. “Oh, I don’t know if I believe that,” he said. “Maybe Kubrick could fake the moon landing but you could never fake Gayle King’s sheer terror.”Jimmy KimmelOn Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host also spoke about Easter. “If Jesus comes back and sees what’s going on, we are in deep trouble,” he said.Kimmel noted that he was “not sensing a lot of Easter spirit this year” and that Easter Sunday falling on 4/20 will lead to “some very long and confusing egg hunts”.Egg prices remain high, which has seen an “outpouring of tips for other stuff you can colour instead” such as potatoes and marshmallows, but Kimmel said Jesus would only come back for “boiled eggs”.In response to the sky-high prices, he asked: “Is anyone else tired of all the winning yet?”Meanwhile, Trump has given the White House an “extreme makeover” with plenty of gold added. His press secretary called it “the golden office for the golden age”, which Kimmel called “quite the spin”.He joked that for someone anti-DEI, he has the “same taste as Liberace” before asking: “Do you think Donald Trump understands that the story of King Midas is a cautionary tale?”He also spoke about the Meloni visit, joking that Trump probably took her to an Olive Garden to “make her feel at home” before airing a clip of him showing off “his vast knowledge of other lands”.Trump referred to the Congo and said: “I don’t know what that is.” Kimmel asked: “When is someone gonna show that man a map?”He said the government is running like a “well-soiled machine” before moving on to the alien planet news, detailing that researchers have found an equivalent of sea scum. Kimmel joked that we “may have found a new home for Ted Cruz”.The planet is 120 light years away, so Kimmel said “off you go Elon and Jeff, time to climb into those space dildos and boldly go away”.He also joked that we have a “better chance of being visited by aliens than Canadians” with tourism rates down post-tariffs. More

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      Saturday Night Live: Jon Hamm excels as Trump heads to The White Lotus

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      Ahead of Easter, Saturday Night Live looks back at Jesus’s cleansing of the temple. He vows to ride the holy area of money, which brings out president Donald “Jesus” Trump (James Austin Johnson), who once again compares himself to the son of God: “Many people are even calling me the Messiah because of the mess I-a made out of the economy.”Trump brags about his “beautiful” tariffs, which were “working so well I had to stop them … now everything is back exactly how it was minus a few trillion dollars.”As he’s done in the past, Trump breaks the fourth wall to make fun of the cast frozen behind him – he signals out Ego Nwodim for her big hit performance last week – before tying things back to the upcoming holiday: “We love Easter, we love bunny, we love hunting for eggs just like everyone’s doing in the grocery store right now, because they cost a billion, trillion dollars.”This was one of the better cold opens in a while, mostly because, for as much as Johnson’s Trump rambled, it homed in on one topic: his insane bungling of the economy.Show favorite Jon Hamm hosts for the fourth time. Although his last go-round as host was 10 years ago, he has been on the show a lot since then, having racked up 14 cameos. He extolls the virtues of cameos, which can help take “a medium sketch to a marginally better than a medium sketch, or when a monologue is feeling aimless, and it needs a jolt of energy”. Right on cue, out comes Oscar winner Kieran Culkin to prove his point. The two bicker over their respective awards, penis sizes, and which of their acclaimed cable dramas was better. Hamm is right at home on the SNL main stage.Check-to-Check Business News Channel offers “financial new to regular folk living paycheck to paycheck”. Whereas the S&P means nothing to the hosts or their audience, other signs – such as “candy bars are up from ‘sure, baby,’ to ‘put that back’,” are dire signs. Meanwhile, healthcare spending remains at zero, while millions of Americans are investing in healthcare alternatives such as “just lay down, take an Advil, or just pray it goes away”.Another financial expert advises Americans to prepare for tariff price increases by switching from name brand products such as Perrier, Cap’n Crunch, and DiGiorno to knock-off brands: Uncle Bubble (“made from pure Tennessee tap water”), Sergent Munch (“lower rank, lower price, flavor bad”), and DeVonte (“it’s not delivery, it’s DeVonty”).This is one of SNL’s sharpest pieces of political comedy in a long time, managing to make light of America’s increasingly grim financial predicament in a way that average people will actually relate to. Also, the moment where Hamm and Nwodim’s news anchors laugh off the idea of ever repaying their student loans and start singing the chorus to En Vogue’s 1992 hit single, My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It), is a season highlight. They have great chemistry with each other.A new Please Don’t Destroy sees the guys playing investigators in a police procedural. The grim search for a councilman’s abducted niece is interrupted by Hamm’s detective, who gets way too excited over the prospect of ordering pizza for the long work night ahead. Chastised by the other cops, he turns into a little kid, crying about how “maybe I’ll have a soda and that’s all I’ll have from the pizza party!” When the lead detective casually mentions that he’s already ordered three cheese, three Hawaiian pizzas, the rest of the squad also freak out. Hamm is at his goofy best here, as is everyone else. Indeed, this might be the funniest PDD to date.On the boringly titled game show Guess the Correct Answer, Hamm’s contestant is terrified he will do something embarrassing that will go viral and ruin his life. His fears immediately come to pass when he bungles simple answers and ends up divulging deeply personal secrets about his racism, small penis and “unstoppable, unceasing” lust for his daughter’s friends. Simplistic and kind of lazy as written, but Hamm’s gung-ho delivery keep the laughs coming.HBO’s The White Potus sees Trump attempt to unwind at an exotic vacation resort, only to fall into a suicidal funk. Elsewhere on the island, heretofore absent Ivanka (Scarlett Johansson) immediately bails on her newfound Buddhism, commerce secretary Howard Lutnick (Jon Gries) pervs out on the idea of “America get bent over and railed by other countries,” RFK Jr (Hamm) rambles about fluoride in water to his confused, buck-toothed girlfriend (Sarah Sherman) before darting off to kill and eat a monkey, Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernández) is ditched by his mean girls Pam Bondi (Ashley Padilla) and Kristi Noem (Heidi Gardner) only to be seduced by Vladimir Putin (a returning Beck Bennett), Eric Trump (a returning Alex Moffat) is his usual dumb self, while Don Jr (Mikey Day) has a sex dream about his ex-wife’s current beau, Tiger Woods (Kenan Thompson).This is a welcome return not only of some former cast members, but also the blending of hot button political and pop culture topics that used to be a regular fixture on SNL, but which has, for whatever reason, mostly been absent for the past few seasons. But good as it is, the fact that it didn’t have Don Jr and Eric engage in any brotherly love, a la this season of The White Lotus, feels like a cop out.Musical guest Lizzo performs her first set of the night. Bleating out eye-rolling, self-affirming platitudes while wearing a shirt that reads “Tariffied”, her performance plays like a liberal version of Morgan Wallen’s from two weeks ago: all unconvincing cultural signaling set to rote pop tunes.On Weekend Update, Colin Jost picks up where the cold open and previous sketch left off, noting that the president’s 90-day tariffs pause “may not seem like a long time, but remember, Trump has only been president 82 days and it already feels like a goddamn decade.”Michael Che invites Chinese trade minister Chen Biao (Bowen Yang) on to discuss Trump’s trade war with China. Chen could care less about Trump’s 145% tariff on Chinese goods, asking “which side is more willing to endure hardship for the glory of their nation: the one that’s been around for thousands of years, or the one sending Katy Perry to space?” He also takes a quick dig at JD Vance by hawking his own memoir, Peasant Elegy. There are some good lines here, but Yang’s snotty schtick gets in the way.Later, Jost brings on cast member Emil Wakim to give his thoughts about what it means to be an American these days. He comes out waving flags just to buy some goodwill, before admitting that he’s conflicted: “I know we’re bad, because my life is so good there’s just no way it’s cruelty-free.” He has some decent material about ordering from Uber Eats and hipster anti-capitalist hypocrisy, which is sure to go over poorly online.Wakim’s segment feels abrupt, probably because this week’s Update includes a rare third guest spot. Sarah Sherman plays Jost’s stressed-out accountant Dawn who, between pulling out her own hair and driving her head through the set, takes shots at him over his various sexual and criminal improprieties. It’s a credit to Sherman that this regularly recurring bit hasn’t yet worn out its welcome.A gay couple (Yang and Hamm) get angrily defensive when their confused friends ask where and how they got their newly adopted (or rather, clearly stolen) baby. This attempt to send up progressive identity politics might felt relevant a couple of years ago, but the culture has shifted enough that it no longer does.Scenes of interracial young people partaking in “active fun in slow motion” are revealed to be the number one indicator of herpes. Other signs include “dancing in an outdoor beer garden with strings lights”, “winning a carnival game on the first try” or “hanging out with exactly one white person, one Black person, one Asian person, and one Latin person.” A solid sendup of medication ad tropes.The show wraps up in a corporate office during a new employee orientation ice breaker. The new hires take turns sharing a fun personal fact about themselves. Hamm’s employee, Greg, brings things to a screeching halt when he introduces himself by revealing: “My mom killed my dad naked on TV.” More bits of information come out over the course of the conversation: the show was Jackass; it was funny and sad; and a party donkey, Port-a-potty, and Raven Simone were involved. The initial gag is funny, but the rest of the sketch loses the thread.While there were a few low points to tonight’s episode – the baby sketch, Lizzo’s first song – this was one of the stronger episodes of the season. The focus on Trump’s disastrous economic policy gave it a strong through-line, the guest appearances made for some fun surprises, and Hamm was expectedly great. More