6 Books to Help You Deal With Difficult People

Earlier in my career, I worked for a hot-tempered woman who, according to an office rumor, had thrown a shoe at one of my predecessors. Rattled by her blowups, I tiptoed and stammered around her, fearing the day when she’d wing a pump at me.

Then a friend passed along “Coping With Difficult Bosses” by Robert M. Bramson, which was published in 1992. The book’s solid, seen-it-all advice helped me stop perseverating and find my spine. I learned from Dr. Bramson to stand tall when my boss exploded, to call her by her name (to humanize the relationship) and, if I couldn’t quite look her in the eye, to focus on her forehead — close enough that she couldn’t tell the difference.

If you’re struggling with a difficult colleague, family member or friend, books can validate your experience and teach you helpful communication skills, said William Doherty, a professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota and a co-founder of Braver Angels, a nonpartisan nonprofit that facilitates conversations between people with differing political views.

But, he added, be wary of books that give you “one large global theory” about whatever is wrong with the other person. Most relationship problems are caused by both parties, at least to some degree, he said, so books that encourage you to consider your part are generally more helpful.

We asked therapists, psychologists and other workplace experts to recommend books that can help you get along with difficult people — or at least disagree with them more constructively. Here are six titles that rose to the top of the list.