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B: If you put the concept of grilled cheese into the universe, you must expect a melty, delicious echo to come back to you. So long as he’s making it himself, copying is no crime. But no matter how I personally feel about your peanut butter and banana slices (queasy is the answer), stealing your snack is, well, stealing, and must stop. More
I’d love to be able to have honest conversations about what he’s going through.I am the mother of two delightful teenage boys in the throes of navigating all the challenges that youth brings. Over the past few years, it has become evident to me that my younger son is most likely gay. I believe I am the only person in the family to have noticed his interest in rainbow flags or his outrage at injustices to the L.G.B.T.Q.+ community, among other, subtler, indications.I’ve always thought it quite unfair that only those who fall under the L.G.B.T.Q.+ umbrella have the onerous burden of “coming out.” Last summer my son weathered the heartbreak of a dear friend, likely a crush, moving away. For Valentine’s Day, a female classmate asked my son out, and he turned her down. His life is getting increasingly complicated. I don’t want to push him to come out before he’s ready, but I’d love to be able to have honest conversations about some of what he’s going through. My question is: Should I wait and let him come out when he’s ready, or is there a way I can save him the trouble? What is the most thoughtful way to approach this? — Name WithheldFrom the Ethicist:I get why you want to spare him the awkward dance of coming out, but for many young people, it’s a way to claim an identity on their terms. (For many parents, in turn, it involves pretending that the declaration comes as news.) Pressing fast-forward could leave him with the sense that he has lost a measure of agency — that a big moment has been pre-empted. It could also make him feel exposed or rushed. There are all sorts of ways that you can indicate your loving acceptance and reassure him that you’ll be a soft place to land. Indeed, I’m sure you’ve already done so. When he’s ready, you’ll be there — arms open, heart steady, no script needed.Readers RespondThe previous question was from a reader wondering whether to disclose the toxic products used on the shared lawn when selling a condo. The reader wrote: “I am hoping to sell my condo. I live in a homeowner’s association that still uses many toxic landscaping products. … Several residents have worked over the past two years, without success, to change the association’s landscaping practices. What is my obligation to disclose these harmful products to prospective buyers, especially those with young children and pets?”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
Q: A urologist recently told me I shouldn’t go to the bathroom “just in case.” Is that true?As children, many of us were encouraged to pee before we left the house or whenever a bathroom was nearby. There was a good reason: using the bathroom “just in case” can help prevent accidents among children prone to “holding it.”Urologists call this practice “convenience” or “proactive” voiding, and people of all ages do it, often before heading out the door or going to sleep.An occasional “just in case” bathroom break won’t do much harm, said Dr. Ariana Smith, a professor of urology at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine. But doing it several times a day, she said, can increase the likelihood of bladder issues by disrupting the natural feedback loop between your bladder and your brain.How does peeing ‘just in case’ affect bladder health?To understand why proactive voiding can be harmful, it helps to know how the bladder works. As your kidneys filter blood to remove waste, they produce urine, which is carried to your bladder. Women can typically hold up to 500 milliliters of urine, or around two cups, in their bladders; men can store 700 milliliters, or nearly three cups.We generally feel the urge to use the bathroom well before we hit that limit, when our bladder contains between 150 and 250 milliliters of liquid. As the bladder fills up, it sends nerve signals to the brain, letting us know it’s time to go.The experts we spoke with said that when you pee “just in case,” your bladder starts alerting your brain too early, before having the standard amount of urine. This disruption can reduce “the volume your bladder can hold over time,” said Siobhan Sutcliffe, an epidemiologist and professor of surgery at Washington University.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
AI Mode excels at tasks like product research for online shopping. But it falls short on basic web searches.Last week, I asked Google to help me plan my daughter’s birthday party by finding a park in Oakland, Calif., with picnic tables. The site generated a list of parks nearby, so I went to scout two of them out — only to find there were, in fact, no tables.“I was just there,” I typed to Google. “I didn’t see wooden tables.”Google acknowledged the mistake and produced another list, which again included one of the parks with no tables.I repeated this experiment by asking Google to find an affordable carwash nearby. Google listed a service for $25, but when I arrived, a carwash cost $65.I also asked Google to find a grocery store where I could buy an exotic pepper paste. Its list included a nearby Whole Foods, which didn’t carry the item.I wasn’t doing traditional web searches on Google.com. I was testing the company’s new AI Mode, a tool that is similar to chatbots like ChatGPT and Google’s Gemini, where users can type in questions to get answers. AI Mode, which is rolling out worldwide in the coming weeks, will soon appear as a tab next to your Google.com search results.The arrival of AI Mode underscores how new technology is redefining what it means to search for something online. For decades, a web search involved looking up keywords, like “most reliable car brands,” to show a list of relevant websites.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
The swelling budget deficit makes future tax increases likely, our columnist says, even if taxes are going down now. Hedge your bets with a concept from investing — diversification.Investors must deal with uncertainty every day. Without knowing what the markets will bring, they try to get good returns without bearing excessive risk.The classic solution is diversification — holding a broad array of global stocks and bonds. By spreading your risk, you obtain some protection against a disaster in any single holding. Even through the chaos in the markets brought about by President Trump’s on-again-off-again tariffs, well-diversified portfolios have been shielded from the wildest swings in the markets.This survival strategy makes sense in thinking about your taxes, too.Every taxpayer must deal with at least two kinds of uncertainty. First, you don’t know exactly what your income will be in the future. And far more irksome, you don’t know what the tax code will be next year, or over the next decade or two. That’s especially true now, because of the likelihood of a swelling budget deficit stemming from the Trump administration’s tax and budget policies.Consider the budget negotiations underway in Congress. Will they mean higher or lower taxes in the future? There are major disagreements and it’s not clear how they’ll turn out. Yet this much seems evident: There is little appetite in the White House or Congress for short-term tax increases. So you may conclude that your taxes will stay the same or even be lower, and plan accordingly.But not so fast. It’s easy to construct an argument suggesting that whatever happens this year, taxes must rise, and fairly quickly. After all, there are already signs that the bond market is reacting negatively to the prospect of ever widening federal budget deficits, which seem baked into every version of the Republican tax legislation now under consideration.The deficit may become so high in the years ahead, in fact, that the United States may not be able to finance all of its debt cheaply. Moody’s said as much earlier this month, when it downgraded the credit rating of the United States, warning that political dysfunction is imperiling the nation’s financial future. It’s easy to imagine a pushback by financial markets so powerful that tax rates will need to increase in the future — even if Congress reduces them for most people now.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
Fashion archivists, designers and home organizers share their best advice for keeping moths, stains and other wardrobe nuisances at bay.Packing away wool knits, silky tops and other cold-weather pieces is an annual rite of spring for many New Yorkers, who often lack the luxury of ample closet space. While making room for the season’s linen shirts and breezy dresses is a necessity, long storage of natural fibers does come with risks, including stains, odors and those dreaded moth holes. Here, a handful of wardrobe experts share their advice for avoiding those pitfalls and ensuring that, come September, you’re all set for sweater weather.Start with a clean closetDust can attract moths and even stain silk so “vacuum your closet frequently,” says Julie Ann Clauss, 45, the founder of the Wardrobe, a clothing storage service used by collectors and museums. “If you have a wood floor or baseboards, get in all those little cracks and seams because moths hide their eggs there.” For similar reasons, Clauss advises against carpeting in closets. If you’re moving house, Elizabeth Giardina, 45, the creative director of the fashion label Another Tomorrow, suggests having an exterminator treat the closets before you unpack. “You don’t really know what you’re coming into,” she says.Illustration By Ilya Milstein. Animation By Jonathan EdenWash and dry clothing thoroughly“We dribble a little ice cream on a sweater and that becomes food for the moths,” says Brian Maloney, 61, a co-founder of the New York City-based home organizing company S.O.S., adding that pheromones in sweat — even when undetectable to our noses — can attract bugs. After laundering clothing, make sure it’s completely dry before packing it away. Moisture can stain or even distort the shape of a garment and also draws moths. The stylist Alexandra Mitchell, 31, a partner in the online boutique Arbitrage, which specializes in archival designer vintage, recommends dry cleaning newly purchased vintage pieces to ensure that no small creatures are hitching a ride.Fold and checkWool and silk are especially prone to stretching out. So instead of hanging clothes, fold them loosely, layering in acid-free tissue paper “wherever the garment touches itself” to avoid deep creases, says Mitchell. And even if pieces are stored in pristine conditions, don’t forget about them indefinitely. “About once a month, take the items down, refold them and restack them,” says the Arbitrage founder Ian Campbell, 30, pointing out that regular repositioning is one of the most effective defenses against damage.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
In his new book, “Super Agers,” the cardiologist Dr. Eric Topol argues that we now have the tools to age better than our predecessors.About two decades ago, a California research team observed a striking phenomenon: While a majority of older adults have at least two chronic diseases, some people reach their 80s without major illness.The researchers suspected the key to healthier aging was genetic. But after sequencing the genomes of 1,400 of these aging outliers — a cohort they called the “Wellderly” — they found almost no difference between their biological makeup and that of their peers. They were, however, more physically active, more social and typically better educated than the general public.That genes don’t necessarily determine healthy aging is “liberating,” and suggests that “we can pretty much all do better” to delay disease, said Dr. Eric Topol, a cardiologist and the founder of the Scripps Research Translational Institute, which ran the Wellderly study.Dr. Topol is a prominent molecular scientist who has published 1,300 research articles, has written multiple books and has several hundred thousand followers across social media and his newsletter. His newest book, “Super Agers: An Evidence-Based Approach to Longevity,” out on Tuesday, delves into the rapidly evolving science of aging.In the book, Dr. Topol writes that tools like biological age tests and increasingly sophisticated health risk prediction could eventually paint a clearer picture of how we’re aging.With these tools and new scientific insight into how lifestyle drives the biological breakdown that comes with age, he writes, we can now do more than ever to delay that process. While we’re all more likely to get diseases like Alzheimer’s, cancer and diabetes as we get older, these illnesses can develop over the course of decades — which gives us a “long runway” to try to counter them, Dr. Topol said.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
Mouth tape, melatonin, “worry journals” — here’s what might actually help you sleep.Dr. Sujay Kansagra spends enough time on social media to have opinions about even the most obscure sleep hacks. Often, said Dr. Kangsagra, who is a sleep physician at Duke Health, they aren’t backed by strong scientific evidence.This is especially true for trends or techniques that promise instant results, he said. If you see a video claiming that listening to soothing tapping sounds or pressing trigger points on your wrist, for example, can help you fall asleep in seconds, it’s probably not true. Still, there are some sleep strategies that do draw from legitimate science, Dr. Kansagra said.We asked him, and four other sleep experts, if some of the sleep hacks we’ve seen on social media can really help you fall and stay asleep. Here’s what they said to try, and what to skip.1. Pass on the mouth tape.Some on social media claim that mouth taping, which involves sealing your lips shut with a piece of skin-friendly adhesive, can prevent snoring and improve sleep by forcing you to breathe through your nose.While it’s true that breathing through your nose can help reduce snoring, there’s no strong evidence that mouth taping improves sleep quality, said Dr. Akinbolaji Akingbola, a sleep medicine physician at the University of Minnesota.Regular snoring can be a symptom of obstructive sleep apnea, a condition marked by potentially dangerous pauses in breathing during sleep. If you use mouth tape to stymie snores instead of seeing a doctor, you might miss the chance of diagnosing a real medical condition and receiving proper treatment, Dr. Kansagra said.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
These six books can help ease tensions.Earlier in my career, I worked for a hot-tempered woman who, according to an office rumor, had thrown a shoe at one of my predecessors. Rattled by her blowups, I tiptoed and stammered around her, fearing the day when she’d wing a pump at me.Then a friend passed along “Coping With Difficult Bosses” by Robert M. Bramson, which was published in 1992. The book’s solid, seen-it-all advice helped me stop perseverating and find my spine. I learned from Dr. Bramson to stand tall when my boss exploded, to call her by her name (to humanize the relationship) and, if I couldn’t quite look her in the eye, to focus on her forehead — close enough that she couldn’t tell the difference.If you’re struggling with a difficult colleague, family member or friend, books can validate your experience and teach you helpful communication skills, said William Doherty, a professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota and a co-founder of Braver Angels, a nonpartisan nonprofit that facilitates conversations between people with differing political views.But, he added, be wary of books that give you “one large global theory” about whatever is wrong with the other person. Most relationship problems are caused by both parties, at least to some degree, he said, so books that encourage you to consider your part are generally more helpful.We asked therapists, psychologists and other workplace experts to recommend books that can help you get along with difficult people — or at least disagree with them more constructively. Here are six titles that rose to the top of the list.Simon & SchusterWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More
